3rd Draft of Personal Statement. Please Critique Forum
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3rd Draft of Personal Statement. Please Critique
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Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Jan 06, 2015 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- Skool
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Re: 3rd Draft of Personal Statement. Please Critique
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Last edited by Skool on Tue Jan 06, 2015 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 3rd Draft of Personal Statement. Please Critique
Thanks
but now,what do I do??
I am getting several people from TLS and elsewhere telling me to do A, B or C with my essay. I don't know who to trust and what to do
I like my original version to be honest but i had to change it, and thus lengthen my essay greatly after following others peoples advice
TLS who should I trust and what should I do????
but now,what do I do??
I am getting several people from TLS and elsewhere telling me to do A, B or C with my essay. I don't know who to trust and what to do
I like my original version to be honest but i had to change it, and thus lengthen my essay greatly after following others peoples advice
TLS who should I trust and what should I do????
- Skool
- Posts: 1082
- Joined: Mon Dec 23, 2013 3:26 pm
Re: 3rd Draft of Personal Statement. Please Critique
Do what ever you think is best. I still think you have some language issues.
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- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am
Re: 3rd Draft of Personal Statement. Please Critique
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Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Jan 06, 2015 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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- Skool
- Posts: 1082
- Joined: Mon Dec 23, 2013 3:26 pm
Re: 3rd Draft of Personal Statement. Please Critique
All I'm saying is, in your ending, I think it's more powerful if it's framed in terms of you helping her reach her full potential by eliminating obstacles. This is a different view than one in which you heroically save her from poverty. It's a change mostly in the second and third to last paragraphs and doesn't require you to minimize your dedication and persistence on her behalf.
But if you don't see the difference in perspective between the two, just disregard the advice.
Edit: Basically, it's public SERVICE not public HEROISM.
But if you don't see the difference in perspective between the two, just disregard the advice.
Edit: Basically, it's public SERVICE not public HEROISM.
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- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am
Re: 3rd Draft of Personal Statement. Please Critique
I see
well I will take a closer look soon within the next hour
Appreciate the feedback and time spent. Glad to have some feedback, better than none.
Have a good night
well I will take a closer look soon within the next hour
Appreciate the feedback and time spent. Glad to have some feedback, better than none.
Have a good night