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Might this better be a diversity statement rather than a PS?

Thanks for your comment.

Well, I think it shows how much I've improved, how much my greatuncle was an influence, what I achieved, so I think it portrays the obstacles I overcame and that's kind of what the theme I wanted. I know it might overlap with my diversity statement a little bit but my diversity statement is more about the challenges I faced as an immigrant in two countries whereas my personal statement is my "personal" growth over the years...

A little bump.

I'm editing it a little bit but this is pretty much the draft I think I'm going to submit.