Your comments reflect my insecurities with this essay as I want to get beyond being a pretty face and actually say something meaningful. I'm kind of stuck because as I said in my original post, I really have identified with the abstract ideals I attempt to draw parallels to, and I think including the academic/quasi-diversity bits are important parts of who I am.
In my opinion, all personal statements should be trying to prove the conclusion that the writer will succeed in law school (Z). From there, everyone has an original premise/intermediate conclusion that they use to prove that ultimate conclusion (Y). Mine is that I feel like I have purpose in the form of an organizing principle (personal wellness) that allows me to be high-functioning. The rest of the essay is about food, which I meant to serve as evidence/color (X) for the intermediate conclusion/additional premise of having an organizing principle/direction. So because X, I am Y; therefore because I am Y, I will Z.
So, what is your meaningful statement? That because [food], you are [higher-functioning/personal wellness]; therefore, you will [succeed in LS]?
To me, you would have to create quite the evidence/color surrounding this to have a real impact on the adcomms. Think about the PSs you will compete against - huge disability, URM, etc, etc. Does stating you care about Personal Wellness because of a parallel you drew from your experience with International Relations stand strong respectively?
Regarding anarchy, I felt like it was left unexplained but I had trouble doing so without losing the point of my essay. Essentially, scholars in international relations consensually agree that anarchy is the defining trait of the international political landscape; they use/need it to make further discussions coherent and intelligible. I am trying to say that I came to the conclusion that personal wellness, primarily dictated by food/lifestyle choices, is my own organizing principle from which everything else follows.
Very cool. I actually had/have no idea about this, but it seems to be quite powerful as a tool with which to operate within the International Relations realm. If you choose to include this parallel, which IMO you should, I would definitely flesh this out more as it is not necessarily apparent otherwise.
My GPA is 3.65+ and LSAT is 168+ (waiting on December score) and so I am applying to T-20 schools.
Congrats on the competitive GPA and on completing the LSAT. Best of luck for when the scores come in!
With your aspirations, all the more reason to continue to mold this PS into a powerful expression of motivations and self overall.
Lastly re. affect/effect, I think you use the former as a verb and the latter as a noun. So, I affect something, whereas something is an effect of what I did.
Yea...I think that ship has sailed for me, never gonna happen.
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Conclusions:
(1) Make your intro POP
(2) Flesh out the parallels
(3) Maintain your voice/writing
So, I envision this becoming something to the effect of (in a remedial sense):
BOOM! Awesome, compelling description of a singular moment, and the mental and physical effects of fasting. [Insert thesis]
This was the moment that things became clear. [draw parallels]. Color, color, color.
Therefore, LS! and more importantly, your LS!