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here's the first rough draft. I'm not really looking to write something that will blow them away but want to just have a solid PS that won't hurt me..

I was seventeen years old when I became dependent on pills. Every morning before school I would wake up chew one or two down and by lunch I would take another. For me, these pills were a necessity to survive, a safety blanket to cover me throughout the eight dreadful hours of class that day. Each little green pill gave me just the right amount of confidence to last until 3 o’clock every day. I wasn’t dependent on Oxycodone or Adderall, instead I relied on an over the counter Opioid called Imodium.
It was a month after my sixteenth birthday when I started to feel sick. Everything I ate made me nauseated. I couldn’t even eat a bowl of white rice without feeling extremely uncomfortable. Picture waking up in the morning, drinking a glass of water, and having your stomach churn like you’ve just drunk an entire bottle of Visine. Well, that was how bad my sickness got. Throughout the following two years I made frequent visits to different specialists. Each doctor finding different tests to run, an ultrasound here and a surgery there, none finding any results.
That was when I became dependent on Imodium. I couldn’t afford to miss any more school than I already was and I needed a solution that the doctors couldn’t find for me. The daily Imodiums allowed me to feel at ease at school. I didn’t have to worry about needing to use a restroom in a class with a teacher who only allows two bathroom passes each year or feeling sick to my stomach every time I ate a snack during lunch. For six to eight hours, I was confident in my self and my health and that showed through my studies. But, those little green pills were only a band-aid, not a solution.
I went to college still dependent on this medicine and quickly this band-aid started to lose it’s stick. I was sick every day and had to move home after one quarter of school. It took me having to move home to realize that I needed to get better. I was eager and determined to find a cause and a solution not only to benefit my health but to benefit my education. I was not going to allow what was making me so sick to stop me from pursuing my education and dreams of becoming a lawyer.
Within this past year, I have found what has made me so ill and have adjusted my lifestyle to the point where I am no longer sick and can wake up each morning and drink a glass of water like most people do every day. The past six years have without a doubt shaped me into the person I am today. I no longer cower over uncertainty but instead face it head on. I am no longer afraid of not having all the answers, but instead go out and do my best to look for them. I have a new sense of determination and drive to face challenges and overcome them no matter what the situation. I also strive to better myself every single day, whether that is mentally or physically. I want to be the best version of myself at all times because life is so much better when you are healthy and happy. I have also learned how to be vigilant and highly self- disciplined because if I take one misstep, I could easily be back to that version of myself in high school.
It took a lot of time and dedication, but I can finally say that I am healthier and no longer need a silly green pill to give me the confidence to survive each day. The lessons I’ve learned about life and about myself because of this will stay with me forever. I never imagined that the one thing that I thought would hinder my dreams of furthering my education, has actually better prepared me to become a great lawyer some day. It is an illness that I would wish upon no one, but it is an illness that has defined me and shaped me into a better person and for that I am grateful.

You know, you had me for the first three paragraphs. Then things went downhill. What exactly did cause you to shake your dependency? The prospect of not being able to become a lawyer? Really now?
Is there no other reason you can talk about? Some kind of internal revelation besides the lawyer one? I think you're off to a good start but this needs some more tuning.

Gefuehlsecht wrote:You know, you had me for the first three paragraphs. Then things went downhill. What exactly did cause you to shake your dependency? The prospect of not being able to become a lawyer? Really now?
Is there no other reason you can talk about? Some kind of internal revelation besides the lawyer one? I think you're off to a good start but this needs some more tuning.

It was the fact that I was letting it define me. I was automatically accepted (through a program called ELC) to a great school in California and had to leave because I was so sick. The fact that I let it get that far that it was hurting my potential to get an education which has always been my main focus was reason enough to get my life back together. Not to mention it was so debilitating that I couldn't even go to class without worrying. I would sit in the back corner isle seats nearest the door every day just in case I would be sick, and that's just not the type of person I am. I like to be in the front and be engaged with the teacher and class discussion but I wasn't able to do that while I was sick... Would saying this be better than the "dream of becoming a lawyer" ?

I just do not like the concept in its entirety.

filibuster wrote:I just do not like the concept in its entirety.

Can you explain why?

Anonymous User wrote:

Gefuehlsecht wrote:You know, you had me for the first three paragraphs. Then things went downhill. What exactly did cause you to shake your dependency? The prospect of not being able to become a lawyer? Really now?
Is there no other reason you can talk about? Some kind of internal revelation besides the lawyer one? I think you're off to a good start but this needs some more tuning.

It was the fact that I was letting it define me. I was automatically accepted (through a program called ELC) to a great school in California and had to leave because I was so sick. The fact that I let it get that far that it was hurting my potential to get an education which has always been my main focus was reason enough to get my life back together. Not to mention it was so debilitating that I couldn't even go to class without worrying. I would sit in the back corner isle seats nearest the door every day just in case I would be sick, and that's just not the type of person I am. I like to be in the front and be engaged with the teacher and class discussion but I wasn't able to do that while I was sick... Would saying this be better than the "dream of becoming a lawyer" ?

Pretty much anything is better than the "dream of becoming a lawyer" line. Edit it and repost, if you like.

Gefuehlsecht wrote:

Anonymous User wrote:

Gefuehlsecht wrote:You know, you had me for the first three paragraphs. Then things went downhill. What exactly did cause you to shake your dependency? The prospect of not being able to become a lawyer? Really now?
Is there no other reason you can talk about? Some kind of internal revelation besides the lawyer one? I think you're off to a good start but this needs some more tuning.

It was the fact that I was letting it define me. I was automatically accepted (through a program called ELC) to a great school in California and had to leave because I was so sick. The fact that I let it get that far that it was hurting my potential to get an education which has always been my main focus was reason enough to get my life back together. Not to mention it was so debilitating that I couldn't even go to class without worrying. I would sit in the back corner isle seats nearest the door every day just in case I would be sick, and that's just not the type of person I am. I like to be in the front and be engaged with the teacher and class discussion but I wasn't able to do that while I was sick... Would saying this be better than the "dream of becoming a lawyer" ?

Pretty much anything is better than the "dream of becoming a lawyer" line. Edit it and repost, if you like.

okay cool, thanks!

I was seventeen years old when I became dependent on pills. Every morning before school I would wake up chew one or two down and by lunch I would take another. For me, these pills were a necessity to survive, a safety blanket to cover me throughout the eight dreadful hours of class each day. Each little green pill gave me just the right amount of confidence to last until 3 o’clock every day. I wasn’t dependent on Oxycodone or Adderall, instead I relied on an over the counter Opioid called Imodium.
It was a month after my sixteenth birthday when I started to feel sick. Everything I ate made me nauseated. I couldn’t even eat a bowl of white rice without feeling extremely uncomfortable. Picture waking up in the morning, drinking a glass of water, and having your stomach churn like you’ve just drunk an entire bottle of Visine. Well, that was how bad my sickness got. Throughout the following two years I made frequent visits to different specialists. Each doctor finding different tests to run, an ultrasound here and a surgery there, none finding any results.
That was when I became dependent on Imodium. I couldn’t afford to miss any more school than I already was and I needed a solution that the doctors couldn’t find for me. The daily Imodiums allowed me to feel at ease at school. I didn’t have to worry about needing to use a restroom in a class with a teacher who only allows two bathroom passes each year or feeling sick to my stomach every time I ate a snack during lunch. For six to eight hours, I was confident in my self and my health and that showed through my studies. But, those little green pills were only a band-aid, not a solution.
I went to college still dependent on this medicine and quickly this band-aid started to lose it’s stick. I was sick every day and had to move home after one quarter of school. I had reached an all time low at that point. My education has always been my number one priority. But, my illness was getting in the way of that and my future. I thrive on being an active student; I sit in towards the front of the classroom and always try my best to stay engaged with the teacher and other students. However, after a few short weeks in college, I noticed that I sat in the chair closest to the exit and never made a sound, with the hopes that if I do become sick, I would have a quick and quiet escape route. I left that quarter as quickly and quietly as I did when I would leave my classrooms. It was only after I officially withdrew from the university that I had worked so hard to get into that I figured out that this illness was hurting me in so many ways. I was no longer the go-getter, the honor student, or the optimist. I was reserved, upset, and no longer the best version of myself. Realizing that, I became determined and eager to regain my health and become that bright, ambitious student once again, and the first step was to cut out the pills.
Within this past year, I have found what has made me so ill and have adjusted my lifestyle to the point where I am no longer sick and can wake up each morning and drink a glass of water like most people do every day. The past six years have without a doubt shaped me into the person I am today. I no longer cower over uncertainty but instead face it head on. I am no longer afraid of not having all the answers, but instead go out and do my best to look for them. I have a new sense of determination and drive to face challenges and overcome them no matter what the situation. I have learned how to be vigilant and highly self- disciplined because if I take one misstep, I could easily be back to that version of myself in high school. Most importantly, I take each day now as an opportunity to improve myself whether it is mentally, physically, or emotionally. Now that I am in control of my health, I know that the next opportunity for me to improve my life is to attend law school. Each and every day of law school, I know that I will be growing internally and developing into one of the greatest versions of myself that I can possibly be.
It took a lot of time and dedication, but I can finally say that I am healthier and no longer need a silly green pill to give me the confidence to survive each day. The lessons I’ve learned about life and about myself because of this will stay with me forever. I never imagined that the one thing that I thought would hinder my dreams of furthering my education, has actually better prepared me to become a great lawyer some day but I can say that without a doubt it has. It is an illness that I would wish upon no one, but it is an illness that has defined me and shaped me into a better person and for that I am grateful.


Here's the edited version.. I cut out the "dream of being a lawyer" and took the route as it is the next step to improving my life type of thing.

First, writing about overcoming an additiction is tricky to pull off, but particularly so for a law school PS. Lawyers are infamously addiction-prone and it's very easy for an adcomm to read this and presume you'll lapse into drugs once the stress of school or career hits. Afterall, it was within the past year that you overcame this dependency. Better to stay away from it entirely.

Second, I just don't see the personal narrative here. Half the statement is about the dependancy and the last two paragraphs are about what you learned from the experience; the key moment - adjusting your lifestyle - is in a throwaway line. Don't dwell on the dependency, focus on your traits that helped you overcome it.

Finally, your final paragraphs are very disconnected from the rest of the narrative and even come across as cliche. "I know that the next opportunity for me to improve my life is to attend law school....I know that I will be growing internally and developing into one of the greatest versions of myself that I can possibly be." Just no.

HRomanus wrote:First, writing about overcoming an additiction is tricky to pull off, but particularly so for a law school PS. Lawyers are infamously addiction-prone and it's very easy for an adcomm to read this and presume you'll lapse into drugs once the stress of school or career hits. Afterall, it was within the past year that you overcame this dependency. Better to stay away from it entirely.

Second, I just don't see the personal narrative here. Half the statement is about the dependancy and the last two paragraphs are about what you learned from the experience; the key moment - adjusting your lifestyle - is in a throwaway line. Don't dwell on the dependency, focus on your traits that helped you overcome it.

Finally, your final paragraphs are very disconnected from the rest of the narrative and even come across as cliche. "I know that the next opportunity for me to improve my life is to attend law school....I know that I will be growing internally and developing into one of the greatest versions of myself that I can possibly be." Just no.

I guess my use of dramatic writing made it seem like it was a bit different than it really was.. I tried my best to not use "addict" or "addicted" throughout the statement because that wasn't the case. That would be the equivalent of saying I was addicted to Aleve.. Imodium isn't a drug, but an over the counter med that is used to combat stomach issues, I became dependent on it in the sense that instead of using it when I would start to feel sick, I instead took it every day just to be safe. I would only take it before class but wouldn't on days when I had no obligations. Far from an "addiction."

I do thank you for your helpful feedback though.. I feel like this sickness has been the most defining element of my life but I was having trouble tying it together for my personal statement which is probably why the last two paragraphs turned to shit lol.