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Don't start with a quote. Especially don't start with a Michael Crichton quote. Stopped reading after that.

hereisonehand wrote:Don't start with a quote. Especially don't start with a Michael Crichton quote. Stopped reading after that.

Thanks. how do you feel about the topic

ariel_917 wrote:

hereisonehand wrote:Don't start with a quote. Especially don't start with a Michael Crichton quote. Stopped reading after that.

Thanks. how do you feel about the topic

Dunno stopped reading.

Hi. Family history is a good topic, HOWEVER: please don't take this the wrong way, but it seems a bit insincere. It almost reads as if you are attempting to highlight your race in an attempt to earn points with admissions. Now please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you ARE insincere, but the way that you wrote this doesn't prove to me that you really cared about your family history. It seems more like you were simply reaching for any interesting topic to write about. Spend more time telling why you cared so much about learning about your history, and furthermore, how this experience relates to a career in law. The end goal of your personal statement should be to demonstrate why you are fit for a career in law, and what about your identity/experiences qualifies you to take on this challenge. You mention the fact that your ancestors were slaves... what did you do to move past that? What did you do to overcome that harsh background? How have you proven that you are determined to succeed despite your ancestors' humble beginnings? You've set up a decent framework, but the execution needs work. Also, lose the quote. It's a waste of space where you could be getting into the meat of your topic.

Start over.

Don't start with a quote. Talking about how you interviewed an old person and you want to learn more about your ancestors says absolutely nothing about you as a law student. If your goal is to highlight your URM status don't use the personal statement to do that. At least not in the way you did it.

Throw this away and start over.

lujanj7 wrote:Hi. Family history is a good topic, HOWEVER: please don't take this the wrong way, but it seems a bit insincere. It almost reads as if you are attempting to highlight your race in an attempt to earn points with admissions. Now please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you ARE insincere, but the way that you wrote this doesn't prove to me that you really cared about your family history. It seems more like you were simply reaching for any interesting topic to write about. Spend more time telling why you cared so much about learning about your history, and furthermore, how this experience relates to a career in law. The end goal of your personal statement should be to demonstrate why you are fit for a career in law, and what about your identity/experiences qualifies you to take on this challenge. You mention the fact that your ancestors were slaves... what did you do to move past that? What did you do to overcome that harsh background? How have you proven that you are determined to succeed despite your ancestors' humble beginnings? You've set up a decent framework, but the execution needs work. Also, lose the quote. It's a waste of space where you could be getting into the meat of your topic.

It may seem like that because it's hard to go into something so deep in 500 words. I probably should have put the prompt of the PS. It's: the Committee considers a number of other factors. These include: interesting or demanding work or service experience; leadership potential; rigorousness of undergraduate course of study; graduate study; economic need requiring significant employment during college; social or cultural disadvantages; and extraordinary family or personal responsibilities. Your personal statement should discuss any of these factors that you would like the Committee to consider. The statement should be no more than 500 words, typed and double-spaced.

I was going to talk about why I want to study law or how it relates to law but it doesn't say to do so in the prompt. Should I still do this?

ariel_917 wrote:

lujanj7 wrote:Hi. Family history is a good topic, HOWEVER: please don't take this the wrong way, but it seems a bit insincere. It almost reads as if you are attempting to highlight your race in an attempt to earn points with admissions. Now please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you ARE insincere, but the way that you wrote this doesn't prove to me that you really cared about your family history. It seems more like you were simply reaching for any interesting topic to write about. Spend more time telling why you cared so much about learning about your history, and furthermore, how this experience relates to a career in law. The end goal of your personal statement should be to demonstrate why you are fit for a career in law, and what about your identity/experiences qualifies you to take on this challenge. You mention the fact that your ancestors were slaves... what did you do to move past that? What did you do to overcome that harsh background? How have you proven that you are determined to succeed despite your ancestors' humble beginnings? You've set up a decent framework, but the execution needs work. Also, lose the quote. It's a waste of space where you could be getting into the meat of your topic.

It may seem like that because it's hard to go into something so deep in 500 words. I probably should have put the prompt of the PS. It's: the Committee considers a number of other factors. These include: interesting or demanding work or service experience; leadership potential; rigorousness of undergraduate course of study; graduate study; economic need requiring significant employment during college; social or cultural disadvantages; and extraordinary family or personal responsibilities. Your personal statement should discuss any of these factors that you would like the Committee to consider. The statement should be no more than 500 words, typed and double-spaced.

I was going to talk about why I want to study law or how it relates to law but it doesn't say to do so in the prompt. Should I still do this?

Sounds like you're applying to FSU...