PS Critique - Boston University Forum

[dontdoitkid]

Howdy TLS,

I'm applying ED to BU and looking to get some feedback/critiques on my personal statement. The prompt for BU is: "Your personal statement should discuss the significant personal, social, or academic experiences that have contributed to your decision to study law."

I'm totally up to critique/comment on your PS as well! Feel free to PM me if you don't have a thread already for it.
Here's the PS:

I have sought a career centered on the protection of the environment longer than I have been able to complete basic multiplication tables. Undoubtedly this started with my experience in Boy Scouts; I was immersed in discussions of conservation and environmental policy while earning my Eagle Scout Rank, and I now teach those same principles to the next generation of Scouts as an Assistant Scoutmaster. Undergraduate studies at The University of Connecticut greatly broadened this scope of interest, with an enriching-but-standard selection of environmental coursework – offering courses in environmental law and environmental ethics to name a few. The environmental issues that I had previously been concerned with from the bird’s eye perspective of 25 feet had increased to the 10,000 foot perspective – the saying “as wide as an ocean, as deep as a puddle” describes that change well. I understood early on that environmental careers can range from the extremely narrow, such as those that dedicate thirty years to the study of erosion on a particular mountain slope, to the extremely broad, such as those that are dedicated to managing the distribution of finances for organizations like the National Parks Service or the Environmental Protection Agency. I often pondered where I fit in on this spectrum, but by the time my collegiate studies began in earnest I confidently decided that both my career and personal interest ambitions would be best satisfied through the pursuit of a career in environmental law.

This decision was not the type that formed spontaneously, like ordering Chinese takeout without being particularly hungry. There are countless career paths in the fields of environmental regulation, conservation, and policy that present distinctly non-legal trajectories, and I continued to weigh these against my decision to pursue law through college and beyond. My post-graduate experience working as a hazardous-waste field chemist in Somerville Massachusetts confirmed for me that context of my work alone could not satisfy the evolving synthesis of my professional and personal environmental interests. In this occupation I was a foot soldier in the environmental regulatory field – as field chemists we interpreted existing regulations and statutes for clients, advised our clients on how to stay compliant with an ever-changing regulatory system, and intervened to minimize the number of safety and compliance violations that were generated seemingly without end from those that requested our services. While I took a certain satisfaction in the boots-on-the-ground aspects of the position, I was always acutely aware that I was much more a cog within clockwork than I was a clockmaker with any sort of intellectual control over what I was doing.

My decision to pursue law school with the long term goal of practicing law, specifically environmental law, is the juxtaposition of my desires to follow a career path that is both connected to the environment and that offers the constant challenges and opportunity for expertise development that working as a lawyer can offer. While I certainly will not be consolidating chemical solvents in accordance with OSHA regulations or trekking through the backcountry to tag and track endangered species populations as a lawyer, I will be able to impact the environment on a local, regional, and perhaps even national level through a legal career that suits my particular skill set. I have always been a very analytical person, and the long hours spent on research or deconstructing and applying fact sets to case studies was always an enjoyable facet of my undergraduate experience. Studying law will provide me with the opportunity of eventually developing those skills in an environmental context that can take on many different forms, such as firm-based environmental work, working for a corporation to provide preventative environmental legal guidance, or working for the EPA Region 1, the New England EPA region headquarters in the heart of Boston.

My passion for the environment has sent me from the wilderness (I will be hiking from Georgia to Maine on the Appalachian Trail this spring) to the Resource Conservation and Recovery Act (40 CFR 239-299, the statutes that guided my duties while working outside of Boston) and beyond. There has not been a day that I haven’t missed Boston since I moved back to Connecticut, and I often reminisce back to my runs along the Esplanade, or trying in vain to get a reasonably priced ticket into Fenway five minutes before the first pitch. This is not to say that these are the main rationale for my desire to study law at Boston University, but rather they are part of the greater package that Boston and Boston University Law offer: a city with numerous environmental law opportunities, a university with a vast network of legal connections, and a vibrant community that I hope to not only develop as a lawyer professionally, but personally as well. I believe that studying law at Boston University is the next step in my intertwined professional and personal development, and it will facilitate my efforts in embarking on an environmental legal career where I will be able to best leave my mark in the fast moving field of environmental law.




A few notes that I want opinions on:

1. I'm trying to demonstrate a few objectives here, which are:
- Studying law is appealing to me both as a solution to my desire to pursue a career related to the environment, and as a career path itself. Basically its a synthesis
between my environmental interests and my legal interest.
-I didn't just pick environmental law at random because it seemed like the right thing to do - I'm hoping it comes off clear that this was a calculated decision that I re-evaluated over time in order to ensure that it was the right choice (which makes the "why law" aspect more legitimate I hope)
- I want to practice and live in Boston after moving back there, and I'm very sincere in that.

2. I'm basically trying to trace the development of my interests in studying law in the environment, from it's origination (BSA and a general interest in the environment) through college and the jobs I've held to where I am now. Do you think this is pulled off effectively?

3. Any other thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks!

edit: paragraph formatting

[smile0751]

I really like it--except for the Chinese food comment. That was distracting. It was pretty heavy to read and it was sort of hard to get through, but that might be because I'm not a huge environmental law person and I was up at 4am.

I think if it sums up you, then it's what you should submit. It's not a single story or experience, and I think that sets it apart. After reading it I feel like I've known you your whole life and that you are a pretty swell person devoted to helping the environment.

[dontdoitkid]

I really like it--except for the Chinese food comment. That was distracting. It was pretty heavy to read and it was sort of hard to get through, but that might be because I'm not a huge environmental law person and I was up at 4am.

I think if it sums up you, then it's what you should submit. It's not a single story or experience, and I think that sets it apart. After reading it I feel like I've known you your whole life and that you are a pretty swell person devoted to helping the environment.

I took that comment out out in an updated draft but thanks for the feedback! I'm removing a lot of the job specific references as well because it's a little detail heavy and ADDCOMs can find those details in my resume so hopefully the next draft will read easier. Thanks again!

[alexrodriguez]

I liked it... you're very focused in your approach. I think it will go over well.

The Chinese food comment seemed a bit out of place. I kind of liked it though because I immediately imagined the scenario.

I really think it's one of those things that it depends on who reads it. Probably not worth putting anyone off though.

[dontdoitkid]

I made a whole bunch of changes to narrow the focus. The flow should be:
Paragraph 1: Origin of Environmental and Legal Intersts
Paragraph 2: Considering Legal vs. Non Legal Environmental Career Trajectories and what I learned in Post-Graduate Work in Boston
Paragraph 3: Future Ambitions (What I see as a future for my legal career)
Paragraph 4: Why BU/Why Boston
Paragraph 5: Conclusions

Again, the prompt is: ""Your personal statement should discuss the significant personal, social, or academic experiences that have contributed to your decision to study law."

Any advice is great, but I'm also looking to see if the narrative flows better than before, and if I properly express the points that I summarized above. Thanks!



Reflecting back, it seems that almost every life decision I have made has been influenced by my underlying affinity with environmental protection. My experiences as a Boy Scout laid the foundations for this calling, as the badges I earned in environmental policy and conservation instilled an early fascination not only with the environment itself, but also with the ways in which humanity has worked to protect it. Undergraduate studies at The University of Connecticut considerably broadened these horizons, but with a limitation on the level of depth that these courses could reach. The phrase “As wide as an ocean, as deep as a puddle” certainly describes those experiences well. I understood early on that environmental careers can range considerably, from the extremely specific that dedicate thirty years to the study of erosion on a particular mountain slope, to the exceedingly broad that manage the distribution of finances for organizations like the Environmental Protection Agency. I often questioned where I would best thrive on this wide spectrum, and by the time my collegiate studies began in earnest I confidently decided that both my career and personal ambitions would be best satisfied through the pursuit of a career in environmental law.

This decision was far from spontaneous. There are countless career paths in the fields of environmental regulation, conservation, and policy that present distinctly non-legal trajectories, and I continued to weigh these against my decision to pursue law through college and beyond. My post-graduate experience working as a hazardous-waste field chemist right outside of Boston confirmed that a position’s environmental focus alone could not satisfy the evolving synthesis of my professional and personal objectives. This conclusion was based upon what I learned about the relationship between the subject matter of a career, such as environmental conservation or hazardous chemical regulation, and how the responsibilities of that career dictate the work within that subject matter. I am interested in legal environmental regulatory enforcement on a city to state wide scale, but my previous position restricted my work to internal hazardous waste compliance enforcement within the half dozen pharmaceutical and healthcare clients that I was sub-contracted to. On the flip side, while I find discussions of state and national environmental regulatory and conservation policy interesting, I found that a career based around that would be too abstract for my liking. Through the pursuit of the study and practice of law, I will be able to work within not only the environmental context that I have long sought after, but with a scope of work that is large enough to provide potential for wide reaching environmental impact I hope to make, without growing too intangible as to lose its grounding in everyday local and state-wide issues.

My decision to pursue law will open a multitude of doors to opportunities that may provide the scope of work I am searching for. Many of the positions that I am most attracted to are positions that are based in the greater Boston area. One such position would be working in the Environmental Protection Agency, where I hope to use my legal training to develop a career in environmental regulatory legal enforcement. I prioritize my interest in positions like these because they bring together different legal and environmental skills into a single occupation without forcing me to specialize my work to the point where that specialization has constrained the scope of impact possible. Governmental work is not the only legal career track that my ambitions point me towards, and I am also attracted to the many Boston based legal firms that would present opportunities to work in preventative environmental law. I am inclined towards these positions because I would be able to assist clients in sustaining compliance and avoiding legal consequences of regulatory violations in a wide range of environmental issues. In order to succeed in this capacity, I would need not only a solid foundation of legal knowledge, but a keen interest in and understanding of environmental protection and regulation as well. The latter of these prerequisites has been developing as far back as the beginning of my undergraduate studies, and I am ecstatic to know that it will continue through pursuit of the study and practice of law.

My passion for the environment has sent me everywhere from the wilderness (I will be hiking from Georgia to Maine on the Appalachian Trail this spring) to the Resource Conservation and Recovery Act (40 CFR 239-299, the statutes that guided my duties while working outside of Boston). Environmental Protection is more than just a hobby or an interest to me; it is something that I intend to dedicate not only my professional life to, but much of my personal life as well. I believe that The Boston University School of Law provides the greatest opportunity for me to continue this pursuit through the study of law, both in terms of the offerings of the university and of the city itself. I came to call Boston home during the time I spent working in and around the city as a field chemist, and I am driven towards Boston almost as much for its culture and lifestyle as I am for its legal employment opportunities. Coming from a large undergraduate public university, I find Boston University’s 12:1 faculty to student ratio a refreshing change of pace, and I hope to be given the opportunity to benefit from its considerable legal network in both the greater Boston area and beyond.

The decision to attend Law School in today’s economy brings about considerable risks, and I have been cognisant of these throughout the process of researching and applying to schools over the past two years. Success in Law School is not guaranteed; while I believe that the research and analytical skills I have developed throughout my undergraduate studies and post-graduate work will certainly assist my efforts, they will far from ensure my future. However, I do believe that implementing these skills at an institution like The Boston University School of Law will best facilitate my dream of working to protect the environment as a I begin working towards a career in environmental law. My desire to protect the environment has been a the guiding factor of my life, from adolescence to post-graduate work and beyond, and I will continue to adhere to this calling as I pursue my legal education, that I may one day have the ability to make the positive environmental impacts that I have long believed will be my small individual contribution toward the betterment of humanity