Personal Statement Critique Forum

[Anonymous User]

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[MikeM-law]

This is really broad. There's too much extraneous info. From talking about a drive with your dad to the golf team to a conversation with your cousin or whoever it was. Admissions officers read thousands of these so yours needs to stand out and in my opinion, with all due respect, it doesn't. They're not going to care about your dad's accomplishments (you are the one applying not him) and talking to relative who is a lawyer is not a sufficient reason to want to go to law school. Focus on a narrow topic/specific event where you overcame an obstacle or where you're perspective shifted and how that will allow you to make a positive contribution to law school. Remember it's not what you can do for me but rather what I can do for you.

[Anonymous User]

This is really broad. There's too much extraneous info. From talking about a drive with your dad to the golf team to a conversation with your cousin or whoever it was. Admissions officers read thousands of these so yours needs to stand out and in my opinion, with all due respect, it doesn't. They're not going to care about your dad's accomplishments (you are the one applying not him) and talking to relative who is a lawyer is not a sufficient reason to want to go to law school. Focus on a narrow topic/specific event where you overcame an obstacle or where you're perspective shifted and how that will allow you to make a positive contribution to law school. Remember it's not what you can do for me but rather what I can do for you.

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[MikeM-law]

This is really broad. There's too much extraneous info. From talking about a drive with your dad to the golf team to a conversation with your cousin or whoever it was. Admissions officers read thousands of these so yours needs to stand out and in my opinion, with all due respect, it doesn't. They're not going to care about your dad's accomplishments (you are the one applying not him) and talking to relative who is a lawyer is not a sufficient reason to want to go to law school. Focus on a narrow topic/specific event where you overcame an obstacle or where you're perspective shifted and how that will allow you to make a positive contribution to law school. Remember it's not what you can do for me but rather what I can do for you.

This is one of my main concerns. Every paragraph seems to go in a different direction. I thought about making it more of a narrative focusing on trying out for the golf team and my takeaways from it, but it seems like a trivial experience and I have some reservations about writing the cliché "working hard and persevering to accomplishing something has taught me the value of hard work and perseverance."

I'd like to try to tie in my dad and how he has been an inspiration, but the back story is probably too bulky to include.

I know coming up with a topic is hard but you have to put yourself in their shoes. If you're an admissions officer are you going to feel as if a personal statement regarding golf (unless you're a pro or college athlete or won awards etc. ) or a story about someone's dad will reflect someone's potential as a law student? Probably not. Saying you made the golf team and had a good score during the tryout is largely irrelevant. This is without a doubt one of the hardest parts of the application process but I think you need to start over. Brainstorm SIGNIFICANT events/experiences/accomplishments and how that prepared you for law school or how you can contribute after the fact. And keep it narrow. Just my 2 cents.

[Anonymous User]

I appreciate you taking the time to read not only my ps, but others on here as well. Bouncing ideas off of someone who has been through the process is incredibly helpful.

[MikeM-law]

I appreciate you taking the time to read not only my ps, but others on here as well. Bouncing ideas off of someone who has been through the process is incredibly helpful.

No problem. Glad I could help.