Taking a Big Risk Forum

[Anonymous User]

Okay, So I'm sure most of you will hate this and it's not the traditional PS, but this is me and who I am and what I value.

Gordon B Hinckley once said, “Being humble means recognizing that we are not on Earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others.” Now, let me be frank for just a moment because I am an honest person, and the purpose of a personal statement is to really get to know who I am. I have struggled with writing this personal statement. Countless days and nights I have been trying to come up with what makes me better than everyone else and why you should choose me for your law program. It wasn’t until recently that I realized why I have had such a hard time with writing this statement. I love law, I love the idea of becoming more educated through law school, and I love the fact that I will make a difference in the lives of others after becoming a lawyer. But, I don’t love talking about myself. Humility is a value that I have admired and practiced all of my life, and it is because of this, that I have had such a hard time with writing my statement.
I have written countless drafts, trying to come up with different ideas of what you would like to hear and what makes me better than everyone else. But, when it comes down to it, writing something like that didn’t feel right. Each essay didn’t scream out who I am and what I value. This is who I am, and I know I am taking a big risk here, but I am perfectly okay with that. I am honest, straight to the point, and most importantly I am humble. I am not the type of person that brags about my grades, my experience in South America, or being captain of my cheerleading squad. I am an active listener and I learn and grow from my mistakes, and I always make sure credit is given where it is due. It is because of my humble personality that I do not think my attributes and values are better than anyone else’s, but instead they are different, and that is what sets me apart from the other applicants.
If my education about leadership has taught me one thing thus far, it is that a successful leader is a humble leader. He or she never takes all the credit when it belongs to the group. He or she is open to criticism and mistakes and allows his or her followers to feel empowered. Even though my humility has made me struggle with finding the perfect personal statement, it is a trait that will make me a great leader, law student, and lawyer.
I value honesty, integrity, and humility. I hold myself accountable to these values every single day, whether at school, at work, or with my family. I know that it is these three values that will guide me throughout law school and my law career. They have shaped me into the person I am today and it is these qualities that make me unique and qualified for law school.
In reality, this personal statement is not about being better than someone else at something. It’s about being different and setting yourself apart from the rest. I am humble and I admire my humility and feel like it is one of my greatest attributes. I know that this quality will set me apart in law school and will help me succeed. What is important to me is not how famous I become as a lawyer, I want to become a lawyer some day because by doing so, I know I will make a difference in the lives of others and that in itself is so much more rewarding.

[A. Nony Mouse]

Don't use this. I know picking a topic is hard, but this spends too much time on how hard it's been to pick a topic (which sounds like you're apologizing for it before the reader even figures out what it is). It also seems kind of ...entirely un-humble to say you're great because you're so humble.

[Anonymous User]

Don't use this. I know picking a topic is hard, but this spends too much time on how hard it's been to pick a topic (which sounds like you're apologizing for it before the reader even figures out what it is). It also seems kind of ...entirely un-humble to say you're great because you're so humble.

I don't feel like I am saying I am great.. I just think I'll be successful in law school because of my humility and honestly i don't think many people feel that way.

[chuckbass]

Tbh this is pretty bad.

Beyond what nony said, I'd also say that it's poorly written, repetitive, there's some awkward phrasing, and there's too much saying who you are and not enough showing who you are.

If humility is something you want to talk about, focus on some event in your life that displays that humility without saying the word "humble" 20 times.

ETA: I don't intend to be rude, but I'd being harsh is more helpful.

[Pneumonia]

Yeah this is terrible don't use it. Show don't tell.

[UnicornHunter]

What is important to me is not how famous I become as a lawyer.

Good, because nobody* is getting famous as a lawyer these days.

I want to become a lawyer some day because by doing so, I know I will make a difference in the lives of others and that in itself is so much more rewarding

How do you know this? Nothing in your personal statement convinced me that this is a true statement. I know nothing about you outside of what you put in your PS and the fact that you want to go to law school. Based on those two data points, I would bet that your most likely future is pushing papers at some giant law firm doing nothing to contribute to society. Worst case scenario, you help destroy a few lives. That's the default life of a lawyer, and nothing in your PS convinced me you won't follow the default path.

If you're going to play the "make a difference" card, then your PS should be a persuasive document illustrating WHY you're going to make a difference. What are your convictions? What experiences have shaped those convictions? What makes YOU special. Humility is a virtue, but not in your personal statement. (This paragraph is the constructive part of my critique. Feel free to not read the rest if you have thin skin)



*literally nobody

eta: You said you knew most of us were going to hate it. You were right. Do you think admissions officers are going to look at it any differently? The odds are not in your favor.

eta, again: Show me a law school that's humble in its admissions brochures and I'll show you a law school that would appreciate your UBER HUMILITY as a PS theme. To the extent the personal statement matters, they're looking for two things: good writing and interesting students they can write about in their admissions literature. I don't think a school has ever bragged about having the most humble class of future lawyers.

[Anonymous User]

What is important to me is not how famous I become as a lawyer.

Good, because nobody* is getting famous as a lawyer these days.

I want to become a lawyer some day because by doing so, I know I will make a difference in the lives of others and that in itself is so much more rewarding

b. How do you know this? Nothing in your personal statement convinced me that this is a true statement. I know nothing about you outside of what you put in your PS and the fact that you want to go to law school. Based on those two data points, I would bet that your most likely future is pushing papers at some giant law firm doing nothing to contribute to society. Worst case scenario, you help destroy a few lives. That's the default life of a lawyer, and nothing in your PS convinced me you won't follow the default path.

If you're going to play the "make a difference" card, then your PS should be a persuasive document illustrating WHY you're going to make a difference. What are your convictions? What experiences have shaped those convictions? What makes YOU special. Humility is a virtue, but not in your personal statement.



*literally nobody

eta: You said you knew most of us were going to hate it. You were right. Do you think admissions officers are going to look at it any differently? The odds are not in your favor.

I don't want to work for a big firm. I want to pursue criminal or family law.. where one could really make a difference.. Like taking kids out of shit hole situations, and saving another person from being raped by some guy/girl who keeps getting away with it.. Stuff like that is what has always drawn me to law.. Working in real estate and those kind of areas honestly seem boring to me. I want the excitement and the rush and the feeling after I literally save someone's life.

[chuckbass]

If you're not going to take the advice at least write better. Seriously, the quality writing is lacking.

[Anonymous User]

If you're not going to take the advice at least write better. Seriously, the quality writing is lacking.

I'm not not taking the advice, I get it.. I knew it was far fetched and figured it was going to be bashed but thought I would try it anyway. I am not stressing the quality of my writing, it was a first draft.. I was focused on what I was trying to say I guess. Which wasn't much.

[UnicornHunter]

I don't want to work for a big firm. I want to pursue criminal or family law.. where one could really make a difference.. Like taking kids out of shit hole situations, and saving another person from being raped by some guy/girl who keeps getting away with it.. Stuff like that is what has always drawn me to law.. Working in real estate and those kind of areas honestly seem boring to me. I want the excitement and the rush and the feeling after I literally save someone's life.

Awesome. You just told me something about yourself that you didn't in your personal statement. Granted, you sound naive about what being a lawyer actually entails, but that's fine: law schools thrive on naivety. Develop this line of thinking (remember: show! don't tell) and you'll have yourself a perfectly average PS.

[tortsandtiaras]

Please don't start with a quote

[havemercylorde]

The biggest problem with this is that you completely opt out of the assignment. You're basically saying, "I couldn't figure out this thing you asked me to do; here's why." It's not cute and a professor at LS would fail you for it. You try to pivot back but as everyone else has said, it isn't working. Try again. Writing a personal statement isn't about expressing how great you are compared to other applicants. It's about showing a bit of who you are and demonstrating a facility for writing. Do more of that.

[arklaw13]

Please don't start with a quote

[gnomgnomuch]

I don't like talking about myself......spends the rest of the statement telling you about yourself.

Also, don't use this.

[gnomgnomuch]

I don't like talking about myself......spends the rest of the statement telling us about yourself.

Also, don't use this.

[ChemEng1642]

and most importantly I am humble. I am not the type of person that brags about my grades, my experience in South America, or being captain of my cheerleading squad.
...I am humble and I admire my humility and feel like it is one of my greatest attributes.

I don't like this personal statement for 2 reasons:

1) It is contradictory. You say you are not the person that brags about X, Y, Z but by saying that you are bragging about X, Y, Z. Also someone who is humble and cannot possibly come up with anything to write about themselves doesn't go around saying that X is their greatest attribute. I think that is a turn off.

2) It is a cop-out. I am sure that you are not the first person that has thought of an essay like this, so I don't think it is particularly unique. But most importantly, I really don't think this is the impression you want to give to adcoms. The impression I got was that you are indecisive, have no outstanding qualities, and possibly won't be able to sell yourself to future employers. This is not an impression you want to give to anyone.

Good luck in the future. I'm sure you will be able to come up with something better.

[ClubberLang]

In an essay about humility and helping others, you shouldn't use the word "I" in every sentence. Of course it is a personal statement, but if you challenge yourself here, your writing will get better.

Beyond that, it is a pretty formulaic bad PS. Obscure quote, personal anecdotes, a profession of love for law, and prediction of future success. It just isn't very good because it doesn't say anything about you, and does not reflect well on your writing. Also why would you lead with a quote about helping others, and then write about how humble you are (ironic) instead of helping others?

[iguazu]

I agree with the above posters. I got turned off by this for a lot of reasons. I'm going to give you some advice: scrap this draft (especially the quote and the "I didn't know what to write about" stuff), drink a couple of beers, start again with an outline that gets away from these 'recycled' concepts and lets admissions know who you are and where you've been. We all want to be lawyers and want not to harm others--maybe a few of us excluded--so you MUST provide a narrative that does more than just narrate why you're so well-suited for law school and how great you will be because you're humble and have integrity. Maybe have a friend that knows you well write down events or accomplishments that they remember that are significant in your life...these are likely to be things that the admissions folks would want to hear about

[downbeat14]

.

[cheesy145]

Please do not use this. I think this is an example of a personal statement that would "break" you. Thinking like an admissions counselor this first makes me think 1. You're lazy. You opted out of the assignment completely instead of giving it more thought 2. Who are you?! Nothing here is too personal besides being humble....but what does that have to do with law school. Really not much.... I've read a lot of admission committees interviews on personal statements and have never once heard they want humble students. If anything humble can come of as unsure or insecure. 3. By opting out of the assignment and repeatedly bragging about how humble you are it comes of as cocky...the exact opposite. As everyone else has said show don't tell.

Honestly as well I've read personal statements exactly like this before. I get you're going for unique but I think this has been tried many times before by people looking to stand out. I'm not saying this to be mean but to be truthful. Your PS and statements you made aboyt your law goals and "literally saving peoples lives" makes you sound naive about what law school and lawyering really is about. My advice is to take a year off and get an internship in the area you want to see what its like...if you can't come up with any PS topic maybe it's a sign you need more life experience.

Again not trying g to be rude. Good luck!

[cheesy145]

Also starting off with a generic quote that does not apply to you specifically its like PS mistake number 1. Again comes off as lazy and makes for roll your eyes start to a statement.

[brazleton]

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