does this first paragraph work? is it good? average? bad? Forum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Post Reply
Anonymous User
Posts: 428486
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

does this first paragraph work? is it good? average? bad?

Post by Anonymous User » Wed Oct 15, 2014 3:27 am

Duke Optional Essay I

"You may submit an essay providing additional information about why you have chosen to apply to law school in general and Duke in particular. We are interested in the factors that have prompted your interest in a legal career and the ways in which you think Duke can further that interest. "






Does this paragraph work? Do i make sense or does it sound stupid? I could take it in a different direction if I had too, I'm just curious if this is acceptable. I guess it's pretty vague and includes some broad generalizations but I really don't know what one writes for this sort of thing and this is the best I've got so far.

And then the next 2-3 paragraphs are going to be the why duke part of the essay and some of the clinics/programs/clubs i'm interested in etc; etc;

Also please don't quote any of this, thanks
Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Oct 15, 2014 5:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
ChemEng1642

Silver
Posts: 1239
Joined: Sat Mar 22, 2014 7:26 pm

Re: does this first paragraph work? is it good? average? bad?

Post by ChemEng1642 » Wed Oct 15, 2014 10:15 am

I think the concept of the paragraph is fine - provided you have enough space to go into "Why Duke" without exceeding their page limit (not sure if Duke has on but I know a lot schools do for their "Why X" school essay).

The paragraph definitely needs some editing though. I would eliminate the "For example" and I would definitely get rid of the "lucrative salary" bit or even the entire last sentence. It's generally frowned upon to say "I want to be a lawyer because of $$$" because $$$ often doesn't happen.

It's difficult to see if this paragraph "works" though without seeing how it flows with the rest of your essay. It definitely has potential though. Good luck!

Post Reply

Return to “Law School Personal Statements”