Experience as Gay Veteran: Very First draft PS. Pls Be Frank Forum

[Alhe5015]

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[Skool]

I think it's good and interesting. However, your last paragraph makes an analogy between your role as a network specialist and a lawyer in that they both are troubleshooting. That was an inartful parallel (but not necessarily untrue) and came off a little cheesy.

Other than that, I think it hit a lot of good notes.

[Fed_Atty]

Standing in front of a board composed of nine of the highest ranking enlisted officers

This is awkward, why not say non-commissioned officers or simply senior enlisted personnel?

Did you really salute a bunch of NCOs? Is this normal in the Army? Then you just left without being dismissed. If any of the Adcoms have military experience, this could hurt you.

[Clemenceau]

Great PS

However, I suggest eliminating some of the flowery language in the first few paragraphs. It's distracting and adds nothing (see: subtracts) from the rest of your PS.