Anyone mind critiquing this, feedback would be super helpful
Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 5:43 pm
In May of 2011 I returned from a family vacation and stepped on the scale. 200 pounds, the scale reported to me. 200, a number that still terrifies me. Standing 5 feet and 7 inches, with a cholesterol of over 220, I realized for the first time that I didn’t just look obese and unhealthy, I was.
I spent that night on the internet, learning everything I could about weight loss. The results were unappealing. Every legitimate website I came across stressed that real weight loss was hard, only doable with commitment and fortitude. There was no shortcut to it. A year later I was 50 pounds lighter.
That year was the turning point of my life. For the first time I learned about personal responsibility, hard work, dedication and most importantly how a clear goal for myself allowed me to achieve something that truly transformed me. My weight loss wasn't the only positive change that I experienced during this year.
My success in losing weight, spurred me to become a more conscientious student, and as I asserted the principles I learned in losing weight toward my academic life, my GPA rose drastically. Yet, I was still unclear on what I wanted out of my life, though I knew it lied in public interest.
As I became an upper classmen in college, I started doing serious research into what I wanted to do after I graduated, and decided that a career in law would complement my strengths and interests very well. However, I didn’t want to rush into any field, no matter how much research I had done on it, without first getting some personal experience in it.
After securing an internship with x group I spent the summer shadowing attorneys and paralegals, as well as conducting research on a variety of topics, and speaking directly with clients.
(It's not done yet, but I want to see if i'm taking it in a direction that you think is good.)
I spent that night on the internet, learning everything I could about weight loss. The results were unappealing. Every legitimate website I came across stressed that real weight loss was hard, only doable with commitment and fortitude. There was no shortcut to it. A year later I was 50 pounds lighter.
That year was the turning point of my life. For the first time I learned about personal responsibility, hard work, dedication and most importantly how a clear goal for myself allowed me to achieve something that truly transformed me. My weight loss wasn't the only positive change that I experienced during this year.
My success in losing weight, spurred me to become a more conscientious student, and as I asserted the principles I learned in losing weight toward my academic life, my GPA rose drastically. Yet, I was still unclear on what I wanted out of my life, though I knew it lied in public interest.
As I became an upper classmen in college, I started doing serious research into what I wanted to do after I graduated, and decided that a career in law would complement my strengths and interests very well. However, I didn’t want to rush into any field, no matter how much research I had done on it, without first getting some personal experience in it.
After securing an internship with x group I spent the summer shadowing attorneys and paralegals, as well as conducting research on a variety of topics, and speaking directly with clients.
(It's not done yet, but I want to see if i'm taking it in a direction that you think is good.)
It was glad reading about your commitment level.