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Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:18 pm**

Which sentences is correct?

...these obstacles were abated.
...these obstacles abated.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:22 pm**

~~grammer?~~

Please post your statement in its entirety.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:29 pm**

Grammar*

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:32 pm**

Obstacles are usually overcome (or you overcome them). I don't think either of the proposed options works.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:32 pm**

Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, these obstacles were abated, I was able to explore my true academic potential and flourish.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:35 pm**

Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, these obstacles were abated, and I was able to explore my true academic potential and flourish.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:40 pm**

A. Nony Mouse wrote:Obstacles are usually overcome (or you overcome them). I don't think either of the proposed options works.

Abate- cause to become smaller or less intense. It does not mean overcome.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:43 pm**

It should also be which sentences are correct, right?

Whoops, nvm. I think you meant which sentence is correct. .

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:44 pm**

dowu wrote:It should also be which sentences are correct, right?

Yes, it should be "Grammar Question" and "which of the sentences below are correct?".

Thank you for highlighting that mistake.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:48 pm**

Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:Obstacles are usually overcome (or you overcome them). I don't think either of the proposed options works.
Abate- cause to become smaller or less intense. It does not mean overcome.

We know. Since you were able to explore your full academic whatever, the obstacles were overcome.

I would personally just leave that clause out entirely.

Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, I was eventually able to explore my true academic potential and flourish.

Overcoming obstacles is implied by the successful resolution.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:51 pm**

Anonymous User wrote:
dowu wrote:It should also be which sentences are correct, right?
Yes, it should be "Grammar Question" and "which of the sentences below are correct?".

Thank you for highlighting that mistake.

Pls post full personal statement thank you

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:54 pm**

Anonymous User wrote:Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, these obstacles were abated, and I was able to explore my true academic potential and flourish.

Here, "these obstacles were abated" is correct as "were" is the correct past tense for the plural noun "obstacles".

On unsolicited advice, I'd say you might want to break up the sentence to make it flow better: "Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, these obstacles were abated. I was able to explore my true academic potential and flourish." Also, "were abated" is passive voice so you might want to consider making it active voice, "Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, [insert action that abated obstacles ex: "speaking with college advisors"] abated those obstacles. I was able to explore my true academic potential and flourish."

~Grammered.

Edit: Rink's solution works too.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:02 pm**

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:03 pm**

Anonymous User wrote:Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, these obstacles were abated, and I was able to explore my true academic potential and flourish.

Micro advice:
Choose a different word, abate has too vague a meaning. You might mean it diminishes, or you might mean that it ended entirely. Pick one or the other:

1. the obstacle disappeared.
2. the obstacle became less troublesome.

Also, note that you only have one obstacle: being undocumented.

Macro advice:
Your sentence is too verbose and edumacated. Here's my version:

"As an undocumented immigrant, my college experience was stressful at first. But once I changed my status to ____, the stress lifted."

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:05 pm**

Scotusnerd wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, these obstacles were abated, and I was able to explore my true academic potential and flourish.

Micro advice:
Choose a different word, abate has too vague a meaning. You might mean it diminishes, or you might mean that it ended entirely. Pick one or the other:

1. the obstacle disappeared.
2. the obstacle became less troublesome.

Also, note that you only have one obstacle: being undocumented.

Macro advice:
Your sentence is too verbose and edumacated. Here's my version:

"As an undocumented immigrant, my college experience was stressful at first. But once I changed my status to ____, the stress lifted."

I am sorry you guys, I should have know that it would be necessary to post the entire statement to understand what I meant by "obstacles". Yes, immigration is one of them, but there are others listed in the previous paragraphs. Sorry.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:13 pm**

Anonymous User wrote: I am hesitating to upload my personal statement given that I have experience very negative commentary in the past in various posts. I have paid an ex admissions officer from Stanford to help me write a very strong personal statement. I just wanted to know which one of both sentences was correct.

If you still would like to read my personal statement out of interest I would be happy to send it to you in a private message.

Yeah, there is no reason to post your whole personal statement to get the grammar structure of one sentence. It could provide context, but it's not necessary for the mechanical question you're asking.

Just go with one of the options rink or I posted. Any of those are correct.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:14 pm**

McAvoy wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
dowu wrote:It should also be which sentences are correct, right?
Yes, it should be "Grammar Question" and "which of the sentences below are correct?".

Thank you for highlighting that mistake.
Pls post full personal statement thank you

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:55 pm**

Anonymous User wrote:I am sorry you guys, I should have know that it would be necessary to post the entire statement to understand what I meant by "obstacles". Yes, immigration is one of them, but there are others listed in the previous paragraphs. Sorry.

No worries. As you can probably tell, English is a difficult language to write clearly in. Just substitute obstacles for obstacle and my suggestions still work.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:01 pm**

Anonymous User wrote:
Scotusnerd wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:Though my early college experience was marred by the pitfalls of being undocumented, these obstacles were abated, and I was able to explore my true academic potential and flourish.

Micro advice:
Choose a different word, abate has too vague a meaning. You might mean it diminishes, or you might mean that it ended entirely. Pick one or the other:

1. the obstacle disappeared.
2. the obstacle became less troublesome.

Also, note that you only have one obstacle: being undocumented.

Macro advice:
Your sentence is too verbose and edumacated. Here's my version:

"As an undocumented immigrant, my college experience was stressful at first. But once I changed my status to ____, the stress lifted."
I am sorry you guys, I should have know that it would be necessary to post the entire statement to understand what I meant by "obstacles". Yes, immigration is one of them, but there are others listed in the previous paragraphs. Sorry.

Except that even if there are other obstacles listed earlier in the paragraph, your sentence as given refers specifically just to being undocumented. If the abatement (which is still really awkward) applies to other obstacles as well, you need to rewrite the sentence to make that clear. (Well, for many reasons, because it's not a good sentence, but that's one of them.)

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