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I just finished writing my personal statement and I am looking for some feedback:




When I was seven years old, I attended my uncle’s wedding as the ring bearer. My father, a Minister who was officiating the wedding, approached me after the ceremony to ask me something that I still remember vividly to this day, “Son, why do you keep doing that?” Over the past few weeks, I developed an uncontrollable “habit,” as my parents called it at the time, of rolling my eyes. My “habit” became known as a “tic" when I was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome, a neurological disorder that causes motor and/or vocal tics, just several weeks later. Since the day of this diagnosis, my life has never been the same.

This diagnosis provoked a whirlwind of emotions in my childhood. At seven, it was hard for me to understand fully what Tourette’s syndrome was, the only thing I knew for certain was it made me different from my peers. I questioned why I had this diagnosis and what it meant for my future, especially as a child who wanted to grow up to be President of the United States. I determined at a very young age that I wasn’t going to let Tourette’s syndrome define who I was, I decided that I was going to use it as a catalyst to do something great with my life.

I spent many hours meeting with my Neurologist, as he wanted to meet with me on a regular basis to track my diagnosis and adjust my medication as necessary. He recommended that I get involved in the local Tourette’s syndrome support group that met every Thursday night. I was fascinated with how my Neurologist along with the other medical staff seemed to go out of their way to help me while I dealt with the diagnosis. I developed an interest in health care during this time in my life because I was attracted to the compassion I experienced and I felt seeking a career in heath care would be the ideal way to use this diagnosis as the catalyst to do something great.

As I ended my high school career, I began to search for the next steps in my life, as I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to pursue for a career. I decided to get my feet wet in health care by studying Medical Assisting, which ended up being one of the best decisions I have made in my educational career thus far. I quickly realized how passionate I was about helping people and how fascinated I was with health care. I gained clinical experience through my courses and internship, which fed that passion even more. I knew I had to continue my education and do more than just Medical Assisting. After excelling in Medical Office Management, finishing with a 101 percent in the course and at the top of my class, I decided I would pursue an undergraduate in Health Services Administration.

I began to notice some of the challenges facing health care in our nation as I delved into my undergraduate research and studies. I was reminded of my childhood experiences in the Neurologist’s office along with the compassion I felt from the medical staff and I began to become bothered by the issues our nation is currently dealing with. With a lack of bipartisan agreement surrounding the Affordable Care Act that affects every American and health professional, the increasing number of baby boomers reaching their senior years, in need of medical care and a shortage of health professionals to supply the growing demand, and the growing rate of Americans being diagnosed with chronic diseases to name just a few problems, I decided I wanted to use my future to advocate for change in the U.S. health care system and I feel pursuing a career in health law is the ideal way to fight for change.

Being diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome has sparked an interest and passion in me to want to do something impactful with my life. It has led me to take interest in health care and has guided me to pursuing a law degree. While my future route is still being paved, I feel confident that I would be an exceptional student at your law school and the skills and education I would receive through your rigorous curriculum, along with the passion that is within me, will lead to my success in being a catalyst for change as I so desire to be.

I just skimmed it , but i would take out the 101% part, just say top of the class. The last sentence is too much; "so desire to be" sounds melodramatic.

jdwinn0963 wrote: When I was seven years old I attended my uncle’s wedding as the ring bearer. My father approached me after the ceremony to ask me something that I still remember vividly to this day: “Son, why do you keep doing that?” Prior to the wedding I had developed an uncontrollable “habit,” as my parents called it at the time, of rolling my eyes. I was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome a few weeks later—my “habit” became known as my tic.

This diagnosis provoked a whirlwind of emotions during my childhood. At age seven, it was hard for me to understand fully what Tourette’s syndrome was. The only thing I knew for certain was that it made me different than my peers. I questioned why I had this diagnosis and what it meant for my future. I decided at a very young age that I was not going to let Tourette’s syndrome define who I was.

I spent many hours meeting with my neurologist; he wanted to meet with me on a regular basis to track my diagnosis and adjust my medication as necessary. He recommended that I get involved in the local Tourette’s syndrome support group that met every Thursday night. I was fascinated with how my neurologist and the folks in the support group seemed to go out of their way to help me. Their compassion inspired me, and as a result I developed an interest in healthcare.

When I ended my high school career I was not sure about what I wanted to pursue as a career. I decided to get my feet wet in healthcare by studying Medical Assisting, which ended up being one of the best decisions I have made. I became passionate about helping people. Through my clinical experiences and my coursework, I was equipped with practical skills to help realize this passion. To further my career, I knew I had to continue my education. Therefore, I decided to pursue an undergraduate degree in Health Services Administration.

During my studies, I became aware of the challenges facing healthcare access in our nation. The lack of bipartisan agreement surrounding the Affordable Care Act affects every American and health professional. The issue of our increasing number of baby boomers who are in need of medical care while there is a shortage of healthcare professionals to meet that need. My growing understanding and awareness of these issues made me decide to pursue a career that will advocate for change in the U.S. healthcare system. I believe that studying law with an emphasis in health law is the best way to utilize my talents in order to see change realized.

My recommended edit.