Please Critique My Personal Statement?
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 1:31 pm
This is a really really rough draft! Any advice/criticism is much appreciated. Thanks!
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I was raised in my mother’s gilded vision of the "American Dream". My single mother, with a middle school education from rural Vietnam, came to the United States with nothing other than the hopes of achieving such dream. She faithfully believed that with enough hard work and dedication, that she would be able to yield happiness and success by triumphing poverty’s shadow. With this mindset, my mother worked tirelessly twelve hours a day, six days a week, year after year so to chase her dream. Though, even with her enduring faith, such dream stills eludes her grasp.
The relentless pursuit of her goals, along with her resolute work ethic, instilled in me a sense of perseverance that has allowed me to face adversity head on. Growing up with this role model enabled me to break free from the cycle of poverty through higher education. With the combination of hard work in my high school courses and generous opportunities, I was able to attend (XYZ) University. It was during college career that I was enlightened with my immersion in political courses. My endless hours of research and study enabled me to discover my passion.
Through my education, I came to the realization that my mother's inability to reach her financial goals was not merely a case of bad luck, but rather, it was the result of economic and social inequality that plagues our society. This realization ignited a passion- a passion to make a difference for people like my mother by attempting to give them equal opportunities in an unjust reality. A passion that is fueled by my desire to use the fortunate opportunities I received to make a change.
It is my understanding that the change I want can only be made possible through the unrelenting pursuit of justice. I intend to use the same values instilled in me by my mother to chase after it. This is my American dream.
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I was raised in my mother’s gilded vision of the "American Dream". My single mother, with a middle school education from rural Vietnam, came to the United States with nothing other than the hopes of achieving such dream. She faithfully believed that with enough hard work and dedication, that she would be able to yield happiness and success by triumphing poverty’s shadow. With this mindset, my mother worked tirelessly twelve hours a day, six days a week, year after year so to chase her dream. Though, even with her enduring faith, such dream stills eludes her grasp.
The relentless pursuit of her goals, along with her resolute work ethic, instilled in me a sense of perseverance that has allowed me to face adversity head on. Growing up with this role model enabled me to break free from the cycle of poverty through higher education. With the combination of hard work in my high school courses and generous opportunities, I was able to attend (XYZ) University. It was during college career that I was enlightened with my immersion in political courses. My endless hours of research and study enabled me to discover my passion.
Through my education, I came to the realization that my mother's inability to reach her financial goals was not merely a case of bad luck, but rather, it was the result of economic and social inequality that plagues our society. This realization ignited a passion- a passion to make a difference for people like my mother by attempting to give them equal opportunities in an unjust reality. A passion that is fueled by my desire to use the fortunate opportunities I received to make a change.
It is my understanding that the change I want can only be made possible through the unrelenting pursuit of justice. I intend to use the same values instilled in me by my mother to chase after it. This is my American dream.