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I feel like I didn't learn anything about YOU from this.

ETA: interesting story though.

so shorten and try to tie into my goals etc?

Gooner91 wrote:I feel like I didn't learn anything about YOU from this.

ETA: interesting story though.

Pretty much this. The goal of the personal statement is to show schools who you are behind the numbers and why you want to go to law school. Schools want to read your personal statement and think about what makes you a particularly good fit for their school. Especially targeting HYS, with so many applicants with the same numbers applying, it is incredibly important to have a good PS. While this is an interesting story, it really shows the reader nothing about why they should choose you over anyone else, or why you even want to study law for that matter. I liked it as a story, but you should probably re-write the entire focus of the personal statement for admissions purposes.

anyone else before i take it down?

Anonymous User wrote:so shorten and try to tie into my goals etc?

I honestly am not sure if you can build a PS around this topic. You may want to head back to the drawing board. You seem like a good writer though I am sure you can produce something that is both interesting and a good PS.