Top Law Schools

My contractor had his hands full and I was anxious to get this job completed even if it meant getting in there and helping. Hours earlier I had met with my architect and his expediter so I wasn't exactly dressed for the job. I was on my hands and knees helping to prep a floor for sanding in our Spanish Harlem apartment building. My dress shirt was covered in drywall dust, and sweat, but I didn't mind. The apartment looked fantastic, a far cry from the grim rat hole it was just a month before when our previous tenant had vacated. He was the last of the truly terrible tenants we had. Our new tenant would arrive in a few weeks and everything had to be in perfect order before she got there.

Not too long ago, I was a carefree, twenty something college student. However, when my late father, then in his eighties, began to experience a decline in his health, I was put in a unique position. I not only helped care for my father in the winter of his life, but I helped keep our business afloat; a business he and my mother started 15 years before. It was January of 2004 and after only a couple of weeks I was put to the test. When a problem tenant started a small electrical fire, the NYPD, FDNY, and Inspectors from every city agency descended upon us. We were issued violations for small infractions, many of which were caused by our tenants themselves. Everything was slapped with a fine. It ranged from a cracked bathroom tile, a heating tube painted with latex paint, and even a bicycle stored on the fire escape was subject to a penalty. The number of violations exceeded 500. The Department of Housing dragged us into court so many times that the very thought of going to my mailbox made me cringe for fear of yet another court summons, or notice from some other city agency.

The real estate business in New York City, especially in Manhattan, can be very profitable, it can also be one of the most difficult places to own a rental property. The laws are stacked against you due to the excessive number of regulations, the difficulty dealing with each of them and the high cost of doing business in the city.

I took my new job seriously and researched the business thoroughly. I looked for books that would help explain the various laws which were unique to New York City. Over a short period of time my knowledge of the laws and how they worked increased; however the problems increased as well. The difference now was that I was equipped to handle these problems. Notices from the city still came, but I was better able to read them and understand them.

I've been through a lot in the ten years since I took over the business. A serious fire, new construction projects, changes in business models were all issues I had to deal with as an owner. Ironically, it was a law suit that showed me how much I enjoyed the challenge of legal work. I worked closely with my attorney, and for months his office became my second home. This narrow, cluttered office in the East Village was gritty and real. The walls were festooned with bad local art and pictures of jazz musicians, the book cases had law books that were older than me. It was here that I found out how much I enjoyed the challenge of legal work. The high drama one sees in movies was absent and in its place was the challenge of reading, and understand the law, then finding a solution.

When our court date came around I was excited. There was no trial, no dramatic objections, we didn't even speak with the judge who sat at the bench with a copy of the The Daily News. Instead of a formal trial we would be sent into mediation. We were all lead to a room to discuss the matter. My newly acquired knowledge made me able to confidently discuss the issues with my tenant, the mediator, and my attorney. At one point when I saw that we were going nowhere I spoke directly with the tenant in a calm, professional manner and offered to buy her out of her lease. The amount we eventually agreed on was much lower than the amount of money she would have been awarded had the suit been lost and we wouldn't have to deal with her again. I helped my attorney draft the "stip" as he called it, and just like that we had averted a crisis. The stress, the late nights, and early mornings didn't bother me, oddly enough I found it all enjoyable. I felt productive in a new and exciting way and I enjoyed the process. It was one of those "I could get used to this" moments.

Sure, a law degree would be an invaluable asset to my business, but it would also be fulfilling both emotionally and financially. My goals would be to open my own office in East Harlem and focus on property, and landlord/tenant law. I have the office space available to me which would greatly reduce my overhead, and I also have the respect and recognition of my neighbors and fellow landlords. My decade of experience in the industry and my passion and drive to find unique solutions to the problems faced by small landlords, and tenants alike would put me in a position to serve this area well. I am at a point in my life and career where I am seeking challenges that would help me find a greater purpose. It is for these reasons that I seek admission to law school. As a father, husband and having reached the age of thirty-three, I can bring a unique prospective to the classroom. My maturity and real world experience is not typically possessed by your average candidate and I am confident that I can be a successful law school student. I would greatly look forward to this opportunity.

Nobody?

Overall, it seems reasonably strong. I'll pick some nits.

My main nit:

You seem to have something of a conflict of identity. There's the "fancy shoes" from the first sentence (if they're not fancy they're inappropriate, so same effect), and then there's the hands-on grittiness that comes out of your renovation and reaction to your legal troubles. I would omit the shoe reference. It's sort of a alien flavor in an otherwise cohesive statement. I feel this way about the PS until The apartment looked. I would suggest a different introduction. You could probably write about the experience of receiving 500 citations or whatever they were and then weave back to the renovation.

I feel like the ending is extremely flat. It's a restatement/summarization of much that came before it. That's appropriate, but it's quite similar to the sentence that came before it. I need to get a little more technical to explain my beef. Every word needs to "do" something. The best "doing" in a PS is showing. Showing is when you describe an experience of getting your hands dirty rather than merely saying "yeah, I'm a hard worker." Showing is really good, and you have some great examples of this. Your final sentence is not showing. On the other side of the spectrum is telling. Telling is "yeah, I'm a hard worker" or "yeah, I'd bring diversity." Your last sentence tells. Not only does it tell, it bludgeons me with the obvious. Don't bludgeon with the obvious! Much of your PS was strong in this regard. I'm guessing you couldn't decide how to end it, so I'll do that really hard thing and suggest something. But I want to suggest a global change.

Your final two sentences contrast with the last paragraph. Usually, a paragraph is one idea. Your final paragraph is at least two. Read the first sentence of that paragraph and then the last two. There is a sneaky switch! My suggestion for improving the ending is eliminating this switch: make your paragraphs one idea. Sorry it's not more specific, but I do think there is a reasonable chance an Adcomm would have the same beef that I did.

Grammatically, I would avoid ending sentences with prepositions (see "fraction of the amount she was using for").

Overall, again, this is a reasonably good PS in my opinion. You still have room to make it a lot better.


Edit: Somehow I clicked on this without reading the title of the thread. I do think it hits on the notes it needs, but (as stated above) some of the notes could be more organized.

Thanks, i get what you're saying about the last sentence. The last paragraph was a bit of a challenge to write.

The first paragraph was my attempt at showing where I am. I wanted to say "hey, I'm a grown man with big boy clothes and I still get on the ground to help prep the floor when they need me." I want to show that I'm in charge (meeting with architects, dressing the part) but I can also get my hands dirty. The Florsheim shoes aren't exactly or very expensive but they are dress shoes. That whole intro shoes that the apartments are in great shape now, and that I got rid of a problem tenant. I then contrast that with how things were. I've edited some points of punctuation with a former English teacher and I've rewritten on paragraph.

Mind taking a look?
My contractor had his hands full and I was anxious to get this job completed even if it meant getting in there and helping. Hours earlier I had met with my architect and his expediter so I wasn't exactly dressed for the job. I was on my hands and knees helping to prep a floor for sanding in our Spanish Harlem apartment building. My dress shirt was covered in drywall dust, and sweat, but I didn't mind. The apartment looked fantastic, a far cry from the grim rat hole it was just a month before when our previous tenant had vacated. He was the last of the truly terrible tenants we had. Our new tenant would arrive in a few weeks and everything had to be in perfect order before she got there.

Not too long ago, I was a carefree, twenty something college student. However, when my late father, then in his eighties, began to experience a decline in his health, I was put in a unique position. I not only helped care for my father in the winter of his life, but I helped keep our business afloat; a business he and my mother started 15 years before. It was January of 2004 and after only a couple of weeks I was put to the test. When a problem tenant started a small electrical fire, the NYPD, FDNY, and Inspectors from every city agency descended upon us. We were issued violations for small infractions, many of which were caused by our tenants themselves. Everything was slapped with a fine. It ranged from a cracked bathroom tile, a heating tube painted with latex paint, and even a bicycle stored on the fire escape was subject to a penalty. The number of violations exceeded 500. The Department of Housing dragged us into court so many times that the very thought of going to my mailbox made me cringe for fear of yet another court summons, or notice from some other city agency.

The real estate business in New York City, especially in Manhattan, can be very profitable, it can also be one of the most difficult places to own a rental property. The laws are stacked against you due to the excessive number of regulations, the difficulty dealing with each of them and the high cost of doing business in the city.

I took my new job seriously and researched the business thoroughly. I looked for books that would help explain the various laws which were unique to New York City. Over a short period of time my knowledge of the laws and how they worked increased; however the problems increased as well. The difference now was that I was equipped to handle these problems. Notices from the city still came, but I was better able to read them and understand them.

I've been through a lot in the ten years since I took over the business. A serious fire, new construction projects, changes in business models were all issues I had to deal with as an owner. Ironically, it was a law suit that showed me how much I enjoyed the challenge of legal work. I worked closely with my attorney, and for months his office became my second home. This narrow, cluttered office in the East Village was gritty and real. The walls were festooned with bad local art and pictures of jazz musicians, the book cases had law books that were older than me. It was here that I found out how much I enjoyed the challenge of legal work. The high drama one sees in movies was absent and in its place was the challenge of reading, and understand the law, then finding a solution.

When our court date came around I was excited. There was no trial, no dramatic objections, we didn't even speak with the judge who sat at the bench with a copy of the The Daily News. Instead of a formal trial we would be sent into mediation. We were all lead to a room to discuss the matter. My newly acquired knowledge made me able to confidently discuss the issues with my tenant, the mediator, and my attorney. At one point when I saw that we were going nowhere I spoke directly with the tenant in a calm, professional manner and offered to buy her out of her lease. The amount we eventually agreed on was much lower than the amount of money she would have been awarded had the suit been lost and we wouldn't have to deal with her again. I helped my attorney draft the "stip" as he called it, and just like that we had averted a crisis. The stress, the late nights, and early mornings didn't bother me, oddly enough I found it all enjoyable. I felt productive in a new and exciting way and I enjoyed the process. It was one of those "I could get used to this" moments.

Sure, a law degree would be an invaluable asset to my business, but it would also be fulfilling both emotionally and financially. My goals would be to open my own office in East Harlem and focus on property, and landlord/tenant law. I have the office space available to me which would greatly reduce my overhead, and I also have the respect and recognition of my neighbors and fellow landlords. My decade of experience in the industry and my passion and drive to find unique solutions to the problems faced by small landlords, and tenants alike would put me in a position to serve this area well. I am at a point in my life and career where I am seeking challenges that would help me find a greater purpose. It is for these reasons that I seek admission to law school. As a father, husband and having reached the age of thirty-three, I can bring a unique prospective to the classroom. My maturity and real world experience is not typically possessed by your average candidate and I am confident that I can be a successful law school student. I would greatly look forward to this opportunity.

I like it. However, I counted about five grammatical errors and a few stylistic things. If you pm me, I'll provide my email so that you can send a word doc. It's much easier to do that way (for me).