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DELETED - new one reworked.

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I set out to change the world a very long time ago. I was a tiny, precocious child with a big attitude, trying to let everyone know that I was going to be someone. My family encouraged my feisty nature and desires to do whatever I wanted in life. My mother, a self-identified feminist, especially loved the idea of her daughter taking on the world.

Your first sentence and first paragraph will color the rest of your statement. Adcomms will read the rest of your statement (and maybe your application package) through those lenses. Never start with an over-the-top cliche.

Your statement essentially re-states your resume. The application package already includes a resume or statement of activities, so restating the information here wastes this valuable space. Each part of the application package serves a particular purpose. The purpose of the personal statement is to reveal aspects of your character - typically through a narrative centered on your actions. Pick one narrative (perhaps one of these); let the Adcomms dwell there and get to know you.

I want to become a lawyer to have the power to advocate and help those who may not have the title or position to do it themselves.

This goes back to the point about banning cliches. Unless your personal statement shows that this career path (which is a minuscule amount of employed lawyers) is a logical progression of your activities thus far, don't say this. It's a bad cliche in LS admissions.

I will never regret the long-spent hours I dedicated to living. All of these experiences have made me into the woman I am now. I’m content with my GPA of 3.19, because that 0.81 was spent on shaping and molding my brain beyond the text books. All of the lessons learned from my time at [university] have helped me in my current life, and I do not think I would be as successful as I am now if it wasn’t for the living that I did.

Don't mention your GPA in your personal statement. You can write an addendum if there's an actual issue you think needs addressing (heart attack during semester, etc). But definitely don't write this. Never write this. You're implying that your poor GPA is due to not putting in the necessary work. Will you blow off law school studying because you are "dedicated to living"?

My advice is to look to one of these experiences you mention and find a narrative that reveals a positive aspect of your character. Your writing is fair, although you tell far more than show.

REWORKED from suggestions above -

“I’m two different people, ‘Sorority [name]’ and ‘LT [last name]’”, I explain to coworkers and acquaintances once they are allowed to see past my facade. I’ve been an enigma wrapped in military uniform or stereotypical hues of pastel for years, trying to fully express myself despite a clear paradox in my two lives. Being a sorority woman and military member have shaped me in similar ways, but from the outside looking in, people cannot understand how these contrasting experiences have complemented each other. I have found empowerment and strength in this contradiction, and relish in the surprise of others when they realize there is much more to me than a uniform or Greek letters. However, I struggled during my four years of college trying to prove that I could be both of these people and should not be judge for my choices. I finally understand the obstacles many women face when they choose not to take the traditional or expected path.

Freshman year I signed the papers to join [branch] ROTC. I decided I wanted to be a part of something that pushed my limits mentally and physically. Never the athlete or one who enjoyed many rules, the first year tested me. Some days ended in tears and debates to quit. Upper classman would tell me that I was not cut out for the military; peers blatantly told me to give up because I didn’t have the bearing, leadership, or motivation. Regardless, I pushed through that year, promising myself that sophomore year I would save face and change the minds of my superiors and peers.

My strategy didn’t work out the way I envisioned. Sophomore year I took the risk of sorority recruitment while still participating in ROTC. I received more backlash than expected, with harsh words saying that I would abandon the military for parties and fraternity men. My ROTC commander took the time to suggest that I pick one or the other, because both activities would not be in my best interest. I still continued with recruitment, and pledged [sorority] sorority in the spring. I have never regretted this decision. Instead, I started to feel the power of holding more cards than people expected. I had more motivation to prove my ability to succeed in whatever I choose.

Over the next year, I went from being ranked 17th of 17 cadets in my ROTC class to graduating Distinguished Graduate from Field Training; an award that only 20% of cadets across the nation can be awarded. I had finally established myself with my peer group in ROTC, while maintaining my membership in my sorority. I felt confirmation that I was doing the right thing and would continue to succeed in both. From junior to senior year, I took on multiple leadership roles with my new-found confidence, including Cadet Flight Commander, Cadet Director of Operations, and Cadet Operations Group Commander. I was responsible for the training and development of the newer cadets coming into the program. My senior year as Cadet Operations Group Commander required hours of developing training matrices, creating lesson plans, and meeting Air Force Head Quarters-level requirements for said training. I had the opportunity to teach my peers, with the additional perspective that my leadership never demonstrated.

In ROTC, there was a very similar personality type and mind set amongst the cadets. Fortunately, my sorority gave me a different lens, opening my eyes to a bigger picture. My sisters’ life stories became my own, and I gained important qualities that were missing from my ROTC experience, such as empathy, patience, and tolerance. I loved Greek life and wanted to be a leader for the organization. I campaigned and was elected to become the Vice President of Community Involvement for the Panhellenic Council. I was one of eight women to lead 19 chapters and nearly 2,500 sorority women on campus. This leadership position taught me how to hold my peers accountable to the values of leadership, civic involvement, and academic achievement. The position also taught me that there are varying degrees of leadership, and styles of management have to be changed based on the situation.

I say with confidence that my opposing interests have only benefitted me. It was hard taking criticism originally, but now I have so much more to offer. Being a military officer and sometimes-clichéd sorority woman means I am a leader who can hold people to higher standards as well as empathize with compassion. I have also gained a greater respect for the women who have gone before me, making it clear that they can do whatever they want with their life and be successful. The summation of my outlook on what’s to come is best expressed by Ayn Rand, who said, “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”

Why so much ROTC, but so little Air Force?

SemperLegal wrote:Why so much ROTC, but so little Air Force?

I was trying to convey that I recieved way more pushback in college which caused me to become a better leader now. I could certainly expand that last paragraph to show that. I'm also only 2 years in going through a med board, so there is more ROTC than AF in my life ha

Great rewrite. It is a much more coherent narrative and displays you in a much more positive light. The natural crux of the statement seems to be your transformation from underperforming ROTC cadet to successful cadet, sorority leader, military officer. The synthesis of cultures empowered you to be more successful in each. That's a very compelling narrative.

My main suggestion is to tone down some of the introduction's rhetoric - I'd rather you jump right into the narrative and save the analysis for the conclusion. Actually, the first two paragraphs slow the narrative down. I would try introducing the narrative with your ROTC commander telling you that you couldn't be an ROTC cadet and sorority girl. This organically creates the conflict of the story rather than telling the readers what it is.

HRomanus wrote:Great rewrite. It is a much more coherent narrative and displays you in a much more positive light. The natural crux of the statement seems to be your transformation from underperforming ROTC cadet to successful cadet, sorority leader, military officer. The synthesis of cultures empowered you to be more successful in each. That's a very compelling narrative.

My main suggestion is to tone down some of the introduction's rhetoric - I'd rather you jump right into the narrative and save the analysis for the conclusion. Actually, the first two paragraphs slow the narrative down. I would try introducing the narrative with your ROTC commander telling you that you couldn't be an ROTC cadet and sorority girl. This organically creates the conflict of the story rather than telling the readers what it is.

I love your suggestion and I'll probably rework it in here soon. Much appreciated.

take the gpa out

Just a suggestion but the site service2school.org provides free law school admissions advice and application help to veterans. The founder is the former dean of admissions at the University of Chicago, Anna Ivey, and she/law veterans can help you with all of your essay and other application needs.

louierodriguez wrote:take the gpa out

see reworked version.

winstonsalem wrote:Just a suggestion but the site service2school.org provides free law school admissions advice and application help to veterans. The founder is the former dean of admissions at the University of Chicago, Anna Ivey, and she/law veterans can help you with all of your essay and other application needs.

thanks, will do!