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I would love any comments and criticism.

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See revised version below.

You're headed in the right direction, but IMHO you never really made a point. What I gathered was some vague idealogical "do good" along with I want to make $$ and I love my children.

Weave a narrative that explains why law school, specifically, will allow you to be the change you want to see in the world. The last three paragraphs felt more like resume bullets than a narrative.

You write well and this isn't a bad PS, but I think you could make it stellar. Focus on your job; both the practical skills that have prepared you for school and how it's shown you that you could make a difference as an attorney. Be specific.

Best of luck

Have you thought about splitting this essay into a Diversity Statement (DS) and a Personal Statement (PS)?

I think the bits about your experiences as a mother can be shaped into a pretty good DS.

Your paralegal experience would make a great PS. You'll have an edge on a lot of the applicants who can't give a genuine answer to the "Why law?" question - since they don't have any relevant experience.

I think your writing needs a bit of work, but it's not too bad. Once you get the message right, it'll be worth going over to make sure it's really well written.

Thank you so much for your input. I have made some changes, and would really appreciate any further comments or criticism.
I have tried to be a little more specific about how being a lawyer would allow me to help people, and I have also changed some of the wording I felt was awkward.

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I have two amazing children. They are each the most wonderful, intelligent, and beautiful people I have ever known in my life. I expected many of the tasks of parenting to be difficult, including the sleepless nights, the financial drain, and the complete disappearance of personal space. But parenting always came easy to me when my two boys were still babies. I managed to earn my bachelor’s degree while working full time and caring for them. But as my first son started getting older, I realized that there was a parenting challenge that I had not anticipated. You must teach your children to be good people. How do you teach concepts of morality, respect, and empathy? I have come to the conclusion that the best way to teach is by example.

My answer to the question of why I want to be a lawyer comes down to a desire to make my children proud. I want them to see me become the best that I can be, in order to inspire them to achieve the same for themselves. I want to be an example of hard work and dedication. I want to be a woman who succeeds in a male-dominated profession. I want to help people. I want to do what I believe is right and never stray from that. I want to be financially successful enough that my children will be free to follow their own dreams.

While finishing my bachelor’s degree, I worked as an intern at legal aid organization, a legal aid non-profit. I was able to see first-hand the good that can be done in the legal field. Most of what I worked on was helping low-income and elderly clients with wills, powers of attorney, and other simple legal documents. We helped clients appeal government benefit denials, and took cases for women who were victims of domestic violence. I loved the feeling that what I was doing was making a difference.

My strengths lie in writing, researching, and analyzing. I have always enjoyed school for this reason and excelled academically. Once I started my internship, I began working with real people and real cases. Something seemed to just click, and I made the connection between everything I had studied in college, and its real world application. I cared about the clients I worked with and their cases. I was able to help a woman successfully appeal a Medicaid denial so that she could be approved for a surgery she desperately needed. I was able to help an elderly man revoke a power of attorney he had given to his son, stopping his son from mishandling his money. I knew that I had made the right choice in choosing to work in the legal field.

I am working now as a paralegal at law firm, a small plaintiffs firm that specializes in personal injury and environmental law. I love what I do. I was interested in environmental law before and now I feel strongly that this is the field of law I will practice in. Our firm is able to help people who have been adversely affected by careless industrial corporations. I feel that I have been able to find a field where my intellectual strengths and personal sense of activism can both be fulfilled in a way that makes a real difference.

I feel that I would be an asset to law school because of my drive, my credentials, and the clear vision that I have for my legal career. Law school's wonderful academic reputation, great resources, and extensive alumni network would give me the tools I need to become the successful lawyer I know that I can become.