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I think that the theme that you have explored all of these different paths and found in the law something that draws together what resonated with you in each of them and the strengths you brought to each scenario has strong possibilities, but the execution needs a lot of work. Your intro list is too long and, as a list, isn't attention-catching. You don't, as you point out yourself, illustrate any of these paths or experiences. And, you don't explicitly tie up how those interests/skills/experiences have prepared you for law school and the practice of law, or offer strengths that will make you successful/an asset as a student and attorney.

You come off describing yourself as omnipotent, and in reality, it reads incredibly pompous. I know nothing concrete about you as a person. What I do figure is that you hold yourself in high regard, and confidence is great, but you appear feeling as if you transcend other people because they have faults.

Focus your topic on something, not nothing.

Here's some excellent examples that got applicants into a T14.

http://www.law.uchicago.edu/alumni/maga ... irownwords

You might want to revise, "How should I life my life?" (emphasis added)