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Hi! Please help me with some criticism, I really need it. Thanks! I also want to know if I should include a diversity statement or if it would be too much.

I appreciate all of your help in advance.


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Your writing isn't too bad. You'll definitely need to fix things up, but I think you're not writing the PS you should be writing.

In a PS you have to brag about yourself, but you have to do it with tact. To pull this off, you should tell a story.

It seems like you have the background for an interesting story or two. Maybe tell us about a particular day running the restaurant? The events can be small, even everyday. But your story should let us get to know you as a person without having to hear any positive adjectives explicitly. You want your reader to infer your good characteristics from your story.

Give it another go.

Thank you for the feedback! Yes I can totally see how I am just listing off adjectives instead of using anecdotes. Do you suggest I scrap the entire statement and write about one or two stories? Or should I remove a lot of the adjective listing and insert a story into this one?

Sorry I was going to reference the parts of where I would insert a story, but I am running late to work so I will once I get home. Thanks again for your help!

I think you should start over.

papercut wrote:I think you should start over.

Thanks I will work on it!