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Please let me know what you think of my addendum. Is it too broad, vague, self-pitying?

During my first semester of college, at XXXX School, I withdrew, resulting in 5 non-punitive W’s. I withdrew after consultation with parents, school officials, and myself. I was having a difficult time transitioning out of high school into college and was not quite prepared or ready for all it entailed. Honestly, I wasn’t sure this school was a good fit and I was not enjoying the experience. After withdrawing, I got a job in XXXX City and eventually, when I was ready, enrolled in XXXX College. I have learned through this to make sure my goals motivations, and actions are aligned and intact. Since enrolling back in school, I have done very well and have found my passion for academia. I regret my prior experience, but could not be more grateful for it as it has led me to all my accomplishments that I have today as a result of the life lessons learned from it.

I don't have much experience with addendums, but I would possibly add something about how you experienced renewed determination after working at your job to achieve your goals? I think you need to demonstrate a "turning point" (perhaps an experience, perhaps you realized what your ultimate goals were [this might be more personal statement-y though]) that shows the school that you are not the person who withdrew, that your current academic record is the best representation of you, and that you are ultimately hopeful, and will not let obstacles stand in your way, yada yada yada.

Sakari wrote:I don't have much experience with addendums, but I would possibly add something about how you experienced renewed determination after working at your job to achieve your goals? I think you need to demonstrate a "turning point" (perhaps an experience, perhaps you realized what your ultimate goals were [this might be more personal statement-y though]) that shows the school that you are not the person who withdrew, that your current academic record is the best representation of you, and that you are ultimately hopeful, and will not let obstacles stand in your way, yada yada yada.

But isn't it obvious anyway that I realized these things? My record speaks for itself afterwards. That's why I don't even want to send in anything.

But thanks I understand what you are saying and may try to explain more. :

The formula for addendums is: get in, get out.

Say what happened. And then say how it's not going to happen again. Done.

I withdrew after consultation with parents, school officials, and myself.

This whole part is trouble. First, law schools want mature students, not someone who needs to ask his mom and dad if it's okay they withdraw. Also, you can't consult yourself, or at least it doesn't sound right.

I was having a difficult time transitioning out of high school into college and was not quite prepared or ready for all it entailed.

The next sentence makes you sound even more like a little kid. Also the writing is stuffy. Don't use "entailed."

This would be better phrasing, but I'd leave it out for sure:

I wasn't ready for college.

Why didn't you tough it out? Why didn't you seek extra help?

Honestly, I wasn’t sure this school was a good fit and I was not enjoying the experience.

The last one is the worst though. So, when you don't enjoy something you quit? Law school isn't exactly enjoyable.

You should do the following:

Say what happened. Say it simply and quickly.

Say why it happened. "Personal problem," or "family problem" is what I'd go with here. Something you want to keep private. Definitely don't say what you were going to say.

Say why it won't happen again.

You're making yourself look really bad in this addendum, and you don't have to.

Agree with papercut.. solid advice.