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It's mostly just a chronological story that doesn't give much insight to who you are. It's not very strong because it's mostly just "what happened next" without the why or how it impacted you. Remember, it's a personal statement so inject more of yourself into it. I didn't get a sense of who you are, except you were once a bad student but now you're better. Why was law interesting? What will happen if you enroll in a law class that doesn't interest you? You don't get proctored study halls in law school. You dwell a lot on your negatives (lack of work/study ethics).

Your topics are also a bit scattered. You start at undergrad, then jump back to high school, then a bit forward to boarding school, then to today, then back to your first two years at undergrad

And I would take out the part about your sisters. It raises questions that don't reflect well on you. At least, that's what happened when I first read it.

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Write about how your dad has such a critical spirit you didn't even try because nothing you did was good enough. Then tell us how you don't want to live like that anymore.

I liked the topic and, just so you know, there is nothing wrong with describing your gpa situation and maturation from an underachiever, especially because these two characteristics seemed to define you for much of your academic life. I also felt the bit about law was very strategically utilized and shows your genuine interest in the subject. I do recommend explaining (by showing, not telling) why specifically you want to succeed in law and why legal courses pique your interests so much more than other classes. That would also be a great segway into discussing your future goals in law school and beyond. Good luck!

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