Page 1 of 1
Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!
Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2014 6:20 pm
by Anonymous User
Starting from scratch. Thanks for the feedback. May upload a new one tomorrow.
Post removed.
Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2014 9:29 pm
by PourMeTea
Post removed.
Re: Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!
Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2014 11:48 pm
by Anonymous User
OP here - I had a feeling someone might say that. I'm not sure how I feel about it anymore.
Re: Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!
Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:29 am
by sherealcool
I don't like this at all. The "gotcha" moment at the end is really emotionally manipulative. Law schools don't like that kind of thing - they want the straight shit. If you want to talk about your grandfather, talk about him in a straightforward way.
That mentioned, I wouldn't open with a story about another person...this statement is ultimately about you, not your grandfather. Do you really want to spend a whole paragraph describing another person?
Start from scratch, mate.