Re wrote my PS--> New topic, please critique
Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 12:29 pm
That day was like any other day at the office; I was sitting at my desk analyzing a large company’s loan application when my phone rang. It was my mother. I registered the despair in her voice as she told me that I needed to come right away because there was a family emergency.
As a member of a large family of eleven siblings, there were always family emergencies but none that ever required my immediate presence. My mother informed me that I was to meet her and my other siblings at my grandfather’s house.
As I approached the house, I was greeted by the sight of a group of police officers chatting among themselves. The officers had created a barrier around what I came to acknowledge later as the “crime scene”. After a barrage of questions, I was granted permission to cross the barrier.
As I walked along the dirt road to my grandfather’s modest home, I noticed a pungent scent in the air. To my left I saw a group of police officers standing on the perimeter of an abandoned lot which was overgrown with grass. At that point, I knew that, that unnatural scent that plagued the air was the reason those officers were gathered by the lot and that also is the reason why I was summoned. That was January 6th 2012, the day when my previous infatuation with the law transformed into a burning desire to pursue legal studies.
The scent that filled the air was that of decomposed flesh, the scent was originating from the corpse of my Aunt. She was my mother’s youngest sister and my favorite Aunt, a 52 year old mentally challenged woman. She was sexually assaulted and murdered on her way home after spending the weekend at my mother’s house. The brutality of the crime caused a minor uproar on the island for a few days but with the upsurge in violent crime on the island, the case faded into the background.
After my Aunt’s funeral, I started actively pursuing the case, I questioned neighbors near the crime scene, I retraced her last steps the hours before her murder and I followed up with the lead officer on the case. Despite my amateur efforts, the case went dry. Suspects were questioned and released and my Aunt became another statistic.
As a girl growing up in a poor neighborhood, I always dreamed of one day becoming a lawyer but I taught that the pursuit of law degree was beyond my reach. The gruesome murder of my Aunt was the catalyst that has forced me to no longer be complacent. It has taught me that life is short and that you should live your life doing something that you believe in. I believe in the law and I believe that with the right people and the right motives, the law can deliver justice for all.
As a member of a large family of eleven siblings, there were always family emergencies but none that ever required my immediate presence. My mother informed me that I was to meet her and my other siblings at my grandfather’s house.
As I approached the house, I was greeted by the sight of a group of police officers chatting among themselves. The officers had created a barrier around what I came to acknowledge later as the “crime scene”. After a barrage of questions, I was granted permission to cross the barrier.
As I walked along the dirt road to my grandfather’s modest home, I noticed a pungent scent in the air. To my left I saw a group of police officers standing on the perimeter of an abandoned lot which was overgrown with grass. At that point, I knew that, that unnatural scent that plagued the air was the reason those officers were gathered by the lot and that also is the reason why I was summoned. That was January 6th 2012, the day when my previous infatuation with the law transformed into a burning desire to pursue legal studies.
The scent that filled the air was that of decomposed flesh, the scent was originating from the corpse of my Aunt. She was my mother’s youngest sister and my favorite Aunt, a 52 year old mentally challenged woman. She was sexually assaulted and murdered on her way home after spending the weekend at my mother’s house. The brutality of the crime caused a minor uproar on the island for a few days but with the upsurge in violent crime on the island, the case faded into the background.
After my Aunt’s funeral, I started actively pursuing the case, I questioned neighbors near the crime scene, I retraced her last steps the hours before her murder and I followed up with the lead officer on the case. Despite my amateur efforts, the case went dry. Suspects were questioned and released and my Aunt became another statistic.
As a girl growing up in a poor neighborhood, I always dreamed of one day becoming a lawyer but I taught that the pursuit of law degree was beyond my reach. The gruesome murder of my Aunt was the catalyst that has forced me to no longer be complacent. It has taught me that life is short and that you should live your life doing something that you believe in. I believe in the law and I believe that with the right people and the right motives, the law can deliver justice for all.
I am just happy that I have settled on a topic all I have to do now is add some depth to it and polish the writing. 