PS Critique
Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 7:55 pm
“We do it because we refuse to settle for contentment. We will always work to push the boundaries of our intelligence and physical limitations. We do it to actively better ourselves every day.” -Captain Matthew Cooney, USMC
I never understood the purpose of adopting personal mantras or mottos. But the funny thing about personal mantras is that oftentimes you go years whispering this same thing over and over to yourself during times of trial and doubt and you don’t even fully realize that you’re doing it. You don’t realize how it becomes a verbal touchstone, how it can help to sustain your resolve and bolster your efforts. You don’t recognize how you have unconsciously woven this thread through your life which resonates with your deepest beliefs and aspirations about yourself. You don’t even realize when and where you are picking up these pearls of wisdom; sometimes it’s from a sneaker commercial, or maybe some historic figure’s quote. But sometimes, as it was in my case, it comes from a long forgotten souvenir of a devastating personal failure.
I decided early on that I wanted to pursue a career as an officer in the Marine Corps. The first time I heard what would become my mantra, was when I stepped into the Manhattan Marine Corps Officer Selection Office. Captain Cooney, an intense Marine with an endless supply of “Oohrah”-inducing motivational sayings, was the Officer handling my application for Officer Candidate School (OCS). He played a large role in ensuring I was ready for the rigors of the school and a source of information for what my life would be like after commissioning. His demeanor was both inspirational and motivational. Although, I didn’t need motivation; I knew what I wanted and I was on my way to getting it. I had graduated from the University of New Haven with a degree in Criminal Justice and International Security taking high-level classes and maintaining academic honors. I also trained tirelessly, maintained peak physical fitness (enough to earn a near perfect score on the Marine Corps Physical Fitness Test), and disciplined myself to forgo the usual distractions of college life (well, most of them). Everything was progressing according to plan and I was ready to make my mark on the world. And then, in the blink of an eye, it happened. A few weeks from achieving my goal, I suffered an impact seizure effectively disqualifying me medically from OCS, and I was forced to resign my application.
To this day, not being able to realize that goal is a bitter failure in my eyes. I could not control it, it was not due to a lack of effort, nor could I have changed any of the circumstances, and yet, I shouldered the failure as if I had somehow allowed it to occur. I spent the first few months of my post-graduate life working part-time jobs in order to pay off student loans, unconsciously settling into that comfortable repetition of identical days and nights that accompanies a life without clear direction. Then, as my life started to blur together into a collage of uninspiring repetition, something different happened. I got pulled over and was handed a steep citation. And just as I was remarking to myself that this was par for the course in terms of how my life was going, there it was. “I refuse to settle for contentment.” And though in that moment, I was hardly “content”, it dawned on me I was allowing my life to plateau. Cooney’s quote came back to me as clear as the day he first said it to me, and I realized that this quote described who I strive to be. The way my life was currently going was not how I initially planned it and then I remembered that I alone had the power to be the architect of my future. And so I decided to start that change by fighting the ticket. I threw myself into preparing for the court date; gathering photographs of where I was pulled over, weather conditions, and even background checks on myself. I actually found myself enjoying the preparation, and even more, the knowledge that I was again steering this ship. On my court date, I presented my case, provided all my evidence, and highlighted the facts to support my argument, and I beat that ticket. I left the court that day with two incidences of being mistaken for an attorney by individuals in court, a complement from the prosecutor praising my level of preparation “…just to fight a ticket,” and a renewed commitment to continually push myself.
The consideration to become a lawyer materialized rapidly after that day in court. I’ll be honest, I was initially intrigued picturing myself in the Hollywood portrayal of the lawyer character (but seriously, who hasn’t imagined themselves interrogating Jack Nicholson until he finally admits he ordered the Code Red?). But once I really started researching what it would take, what would be expected of me, it was enlightening. I decided to spend an entire day in trial court watching the litigation to help further inform my decision. And though there were no movie clichés experienced, I was mesmerized by the way that each attorney wielded a seemingly endless arsenal of logical statements and carefully structured questions made up of these carefully selected words that were so subtly nuanced that I found myself being swayed from one side to the other. It was beautiful, but also sobering because I knew that the seemingly easy manner of the skilled performances that I witnessed that day was less likely due to any inborn natural-talent, and much more likely a result of years of learning, careful honing through practice, and laborious preparation. That was further reinforced when I was the lucky recipient of an invitation from a UCONN Law School student to attend one of her classes to “get a feel” for it. I chose to accompany her to a property law class whose lecture that day focused on the dreaded “Rule Against Perpetuities” (lucky me, right?) I’m nursing my ego by saying that I had a tenuous, at best, grasp of what was being discussed in that lecture (though I was happy to see that I was not the only perplexed constituent of the class). But despite how challenging that one lecture was I was amazed by how attentive and how interested I was from start to finish. “I will always work to push the boundaries of my intelligence…” That class settled it for me; I knew this is what I wanted to do.
Not wanting to waste any more time, I enrolled in the Paralegal Litigation Certificate program at UCONN, which I believed would help me identify additional avenues of growth, networking and participation in the field as I worked toward a career. Now, I’ve made the decision to go to law school and I remain determined and optimistic. Optimistic, not because I think I possess some special intelligence or ability which guarantees me success. Rather, I am optimistic because I know I am resilient. I am optimistic because I know I possess the will and the ability to constantly push myself regardless of the setbacks. I remain undeterred and from my deepest failure, I have learned a sustaining and motivational mantra, one which I know will guide my actions until I accomplish my goals: “I will actively better myself each day.”
I never understood the purpose of adopting personal mantras or mottos. But the funny thing about personal mantras is that oftentimes you go years whispering this same thing over and over to yourself during times of trial and doubt and you don’t even fully realize that you’re doing it. You don’t realize how it becomes a verbal touchstone, how it can help to sustain your resolve and bolster your efforts. You don’t recognize how you have unconsciously woven this thread through your life which resonates with your deepest beliefs and aspirations about yourself. You don’t even realize when and where you are picking up these pearls of wisdom; sometimes it’s from a sneaker commercial, or maybe some historic figure’s quote. But sometimes, as it was in my case, it comes from a long forgotten souvenir of a devastating personal failure.
I decided early on that I wanted to pursue a career as an officer in the Marine Corps. The first time I heard what would become my mantra, was when I stepped into the Manhattan Marine Corps Officer Selection Office. Captain Cooney, an intense Marine with an endless supply of “Oohrah”-inducing motivational sayings, was the Officer handling my application for Officer Candidate School (OCS). He played a large role in ensuring I was ready for the rigors of the school and a source of information for what my life would be like after commissioning. His demeanor was both inspirational and motivational. Although, I didn’t need motivation; I knew what I wanted and I was on my way to getting it. I had graduated from the University of New Haven with a degree in Criminal Justice and International Security taking high-level classes and maintaining academic honors. I also trained tirelessly, maintained peak physical fitness (enough to earn a near perfect score on the Marine Corps Physical Fitness Test), and disciplined myself to forgo the usual distractions of college life (well, most of them). Everything was progressing according to plan and I was ready to make my mark on the world. And then, in the blink of an eye, it happened. A few weeks from achieving my goal, I suffered an impact seizure effectively disqualifying me medically from OCS, and I was forced to resign my application.
To this day, not being able to realize that goal is a bitter failure in my eyes. I could not control it, it was not due to a lack of effort, nor could I have changed any of the circumstances, and yet, I shouldered the failure as if I had somehow allowed it to occur. I spent the first few months of my post-graduate life working part-time jobs in order to pay off student loans, unconsciously settling into that comfortable repetition of identical days and nights that accompanies a life without clear direction. Then, as my life started to blur together into a collage of uninspiring repetition, something different happened. I got pulled over and was handed a steep citation. And just as I was remarking to myself that this was par for the course in terms of how my life was going, there it was. “I refuse to settle for contentment.” And though in that moment, I was hardly “content”, it dawned on me I was allowing my life to plateau. Cooney’s quote came back to me as clear as the day he first said it to me, and I realized that this quote described who I strive to be. The way my life was currently going was not how I initially planned it and then I remembered that I alone had the power to be the architect of my future. And so I decided to start that change by fighting the ticket. I threw myself into preparing for the court date; gathering photographs of where I was pulled over, weather conditions, and even background checks on myself. I actually found myself enjoying the preparation, and even more, the knowledge that I was again steering this ship. On my court date, I presented my case, provided all my evidence, and highlighted the facts to support my argument, and I beat that ticket. I left the court that day with two incidences of being mistaken for an attorney by individuals in court, a complement from the prosecutor praising my level of preparation “…just to fight a ticket,” and a renewed commitment to continually push myself.
The consideration to become a lawyer materialized rapidly after that day in court. I’ll be honest, I was initially intrigued picturing myself in the Hollywood portrayal of the lawyer character (but seriously, who hasn’t imagined themselves interrogating Jack Nicholson until he finally admits he ordered the Code Red?). But once I really started researching what it would take, what would be expected of me, it was enlightening. I decided to spend an entire day in trial court watching the litigation to help further inform my decision. And though there were no movie clichés experienced, I was mesmerized by the way that each attorney wielded a seemingly endless arsenal of logical statements and carefully structured questions made up of these carefully selected words that were so subtly nuanced that I found myself being swayed from one side to the other. It was beautiful, but also sobering because I knew that the seemingly easy manner of the skilled performances that I witnessed that day was less likely due to any inborn natural-talent, and much more likely a result of years of learning, careful honing through practice, and laborious preparation. That was further reinforced when I was the lucky recipient of an invitation from a UCONN Law School student to attend one of her classes to “get a feel” for it. I chose to accompany her to a property law class whose lecture that day focused on the dreaded “Rule Against Perpetuities” (lucky me, right?) I’m nursing my ego by saying that I had a tenuous, at best, grasp of what was being discussed in that lecture (though I was happy to see that I was not the only perplexed constituent of the class). But despite how challenging that one lecture was I was amazed by how attentive and how interested I was from start to finish. “I will always work to push the boundaries of my intelligence…” That class settled it for me; I knew this is what I wanted to do.
Not wanting to waste any more time, I enrolled in the Paralegal Litigation Certificate program at UCONN, which I believed would help me identify additional avenues of growth, networking and participation in the field as I worked toward a career. Now, I’ve made the decision to go to law school and I remain determined and optimistic. Optimistic, not because I think I possess some special intelligence or ability which guarantees me success. Rather, I am optimistic because I know I am resilient. I am optimistic because I know I possess the will and the ability to constantly push myself regardless of the setbacks. I remain undeterred and from my deepest failure, I have learned a sustaining and motivational mantra, one which I know will guide my actions until I accomplish my goals: “I will actively better myself each day.”