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Deleted

Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:33 pm
by Pyromancer
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Re: PS Draft 2

Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2013 3:06 pm
by oshberg28
Maybe I've been working for the USG for too long, but what is the "third sector" (I looked it up, so no need to respond)? That didn't ring a bell to me, and I have a B.S. in Business; so you may want to reconsider rewording that. Granted, I have been out of school for almost 7 years, so I could just be out of the loop on this one.

"...we were located in one of the main embassies in downtown London and apart of the “Hub” network." - Okay, I'm confused here. Were you working at a diplomatic mission, ie, a specific country's embassy? It doesn't sound like it based on your PS, but if so, define which one.

Re: PS Draft 2

Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2013 3:39 pm
by Pyromancer
deleted

Re: PS Draft 2

Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2013 4:09 pm
by oshberg28
LoganFL wrote:The third sector is another term for the voluntary sector and encompasses NGO's and the like. It was a term I'd heard used here in the States to some extent but across the pond it's their main terminology for it. Basically recognizes public and private sectors as 1 and 2 so hence the third.

No it was not a diplomatic mission for a particular nation, just located on the bottom two floors of a major embassy. I realize that may be extraneous information so anywhere that looks like it can be condensed down or expanded upon please let me know.
Gotcha on the third sector. Again, I could simply be out of the loop, but I would simply state "voluntary sector" vice "third sector". You don't want the adcoms to be confused as to what you are referring to.

I also think it would be a good idea to just state which embassy you were working at. "we were working at the (insert country)'s Embassy in London..."

The above are obviously minor edits. I'll let others chime in on your overall PS.

Re: Deleted

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2013 2:37 pm
by KingJamesLBJ
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