*
Posted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 5:12 pm
*taken out.
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Re: 1st Draft PS. Critique harshly please.
Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 6:00 pm
Bump please! Would love help so my apps can be ready by the end of the week
Re: 1st Draft PS. Critique harshly please.
Posted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 11:47 pm
Positive:
There are no obvious writing mistakes, and you write fairly well.
Negative:
Your quotation is too long for the repetition effect, it gets annoying
A diversity/conquering story is interesting, but only with context, that is, you have to say more than you were just bullied, why? how? You just magically conquered it with working out? You briefly provided reasons, but they are not any shape of form convincing.
The overall story is weak, you are running 1 theme, that you dont give up, to which you simply recycle examples, there is no progression in this story, mere repetition, I felt after reading the first paragraph I was done
Your interest in law is terribly cliched, supported by a list of supporting examples (remember, this is not a resume listing). You can only write about the cliche reasons of law (i.e., helping people, change the world, debate) if you write it extremely well.
Suggestion:
Come up with a rough draft of what you want to write about, and honestly ask yourself, can I write an entire statement on this?
Because it seems you have 1 point:
I work hard and like to help people.
There are no obvious writing mistakes, and you write fairly well.
Negative:
Your quotation is too long for the repetition effect, it gets annoying
A diversity/conquering story is interesting, but only with context, that is, you have to say more than you were just bullied, why? how? You just magically conquered it with working out? You briefly provided reasons, but they are not any shape of form convincing.
The overall story is weak, you are running 1 theme, that you dont give up, to which you simply recycle examples, there is no progression in this story, mere repetition, I felt after reading the first paragraph I was done
Your interest in law is terribly cliched, supported by a list of supporting examples (remember, this is not a resume listing). You can only write about the cliche reasons of law (i.e., helping people, change the world, debate) if you write it extremely well.
Suggestion:
Come up with a rough draft of what you want to write about, and honestly ask yourself, can I write an entire statement on this?
Because it seems you have 1 point:
I work hard and like to help people.
Re: 1st Draft PS. Critique harshly please.
Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 8:56 pm
Thank you for your thoughts. Going to re evaluate everything and revise more.