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This is my current UG personal statement that has served me well so far, winning me major and minor scholarships thus far. I was hoping that I could amend it for use in Law Schools apps as opposed to re-writing my PS from scratch.

I'm an AA male, and my main concern is that it is to focused on race, and may seem a bit whiny about "the struggles of being black." The message that I want to present is that I am not in a position to step back from the spotlight; I have to be able to speak up for those that are voiceless, even when it makes me uncomfortable.

There are a lot of high school references, which will be amended in the future. This is just a preliminary analysis of my PS so I know what to work on.

Also, I go to a southern university, just to add a bit of legitimacy to first statement in the PS.

Let me know what you think! Thanks in advance!
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edit: Got some good responses through pm, etc. so I decided to take it down. Thanks for you help guys!

I'll edit for a swap, pm if interested

Unfortunately, I'm not an expert on What Law Schools Look For in a PS. However, I personally enjoyed reading it. It was well written and captivating while promoting your diversity and answering "why law school" in a non-boring way. The only part I didn't like/was thrown off by was this:

Anonymous User wrote:It was ineffective, because I was unaffected. I did not care about the comment. I did not ask to be put in the spotlight, to advocate on behalf of an entire race. I left the classroom feeling more dejected than when I first entered.

It's confusing - if you were unaffected and did not care then why did you feel dejected? I can puzzle through and figure out that the comment itself was not upsetting to you, your reaction was upsetting to you, but I'm left wondering if I interpreted your meaning correctly. Also, whether it was the comment or your reaction that caused you to feel dejected, you were obviously affected in a large way.

Other than that, I thought it was great!