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I think you just described the generic Asian-American experience. I wouldn't say the topic itself is bad, but my general impression was "I'm Asian and I've come to terms with it." Personalize it a bit more. What's different about your experiences that will separate you from the hordes of other Asians who coordinated events in college? The whole "show, not tell" chestnut also applies. You're more cosmopolitan. Cool. How did this happen?

As an aside, I've grown to despise the word passion. It's in far too many PS/DS, I die a little every time I read it and that just from my exposure to it on TLS.

Thank you very very much. I will try and make it bit more personal, maybe by adding in specific events and what I learned. I'll try and get rid of the word passion, maybe find a synonym for it haha...

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