Rough Draft of Personal Statement- Please Read and Critique
Posted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 5:52 pm
Here is the rough draft (very rough, just typed it) of my personal statement. I focused on my diagnosis of tourette's syndrome. I plan on adding another short paragraph about school specifics, asking for their acceptance, etc. If I shouldn't do that please let me know.
Thanks!
PS:
I still remember the conversations. “There’s nothing wrong with you honey; it’s just a few tics, that’s all,” said my mother. For some reason, “tic” was her go-to buzz word. Elementary school teachers would politely acknowledge, “Your allergies are really acting up today. Do you need some tissue?” My grandparents referred to it as “jerking.” Other kids, seemingly just as articulate as adults, would ask, “Why are you doing that?” I would ashamedly respond, “Doing what?” When I was ten years old, doctors finally had the courage to label my condition. Today, twenty-one years young, I proudly proclaim, “I have tourette’s syndrome.” I’ll be the first one to say, however, it hasn’t always been this way. For many years of my life, my parents had no idea what was wrong with me. Much of my first encounter with tourettes were vocal tics, and when those subsided, I vividly recall the often painful head-shaking, eye-rolling, and general twitching that accompanied my teenage years. I spent many of those years ashamed of tourettes as if it was something that had plagued my life and would ultimately control my future. Doctors predicted my academic success would suffer; My parents falsely believed it was something I could control; and Medicine had disastrous side-effects. I’ve done my share of worrying and questioned: How will anyone ever take me seriously when speaking in public? Will I ever get married? What if my tics get worse? If they do, will I still have friends? Can I be successful in academia (statistics say otherwise)? I’ve never been too fond of determinism, nonetheless. Many years have passed since I was first diagnosed, and many of those years have been spent acting as if my condition only existed in an alternate universe. I dealt with tourettes by internalizing the reality of my situation. My parents were of little help and often dealt with it much worse than me. For them, it was as if I was never diagnosed. Once I gave up on medicine, it seemed as if they were on a crusade to blame the condition on my own failings. “Stop doing that; You can control it,” they would say. While I’ll never be able to pinpoint the moment I decided to embrace tourettes, I do know I refused to let what so many others believed about me to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.Success in school never suffered. The few times it has, I am certain it was due to misguided decisions made consciously by yours truly. Both relationships and friendships manifested themselves naturally and by the time I was eighteen years old, I was confident in myself and ability to make tourette’s a personality trait, rather than a “neuropsychiatric disorder.” To do this day, I occasionally will in good fun blame an embarrassing action on tourette’s. I learned that I was in control of my own destiny and I could define my circumstances rather than letting them define me. Success in public speaking, crucial to my chosen career path, was false concern as well. My sophomore year of college I was director of the Belmont University Orientation Council, speaking day-in and day-out in front of thousands of new students and their parents. Strangely, during those times, I am so focused it seems for a brief moment as if it has been cured. When I began to think about a personal statement, I was fearful writing about tourette’s would seem like I was begging for attention or desired sympathy. It lead me to a much broader conclusion, however, and it’s that tourettes has been the most formative experience of my life. I can trace personal beliefs and characteristics back to my early experiences with tourettes. I am extremely open-minded because I know what it feels like to be different. I am hard-working and courageous because I know what it feels like to be dealt an unfortunate hand. I am determined and wary of critics because I know I would not be where I am today if I had listened to everything I’ve been told. I am committed to progress, change, and equality because I too suffer from something I cannot help. I believe in the rule of law because I trust it maintains the most hope we have in reaching a more perfect union, unprecedentedly embracing diversity.
Thanks!
PS:
I still remember the conversations. “There’s nothing wrong with you honey; it’s just a few tics, that’s all,” said my mother. For some reason, “tic” was her go-to buzz word. Elementary school teachers would politely acknowledge, “Your allergies are really acting up today. Do you need some tissue?” My grandparents referred to it as “jerking.” Other kids, seemingly just as articulate as adults, would ask, “Why are you doing that?” I would ashamedly respond, “Doing what?” When I was ten years old, doctors finally had the courage to label my condition. Today, twenty-one years young, I proudly proclaim, “I have tourette’s syndrome.” I’ll be the first one to say, however, it hasn’t always been this way. For many years of my life, my parents had no idea what was wrong with me. Much of my first encounter with tourettes were vocal tics, and when those subsided, I vividly recall the often painful head-shaking, eye-rolling, and general twitching that accompanied my teenage years. I spent many of those years ashamed of tourettes as if it was something that had plagued my life and would ultimately control my future. Doctors predicted my academic success would suffer; My parents falsely believed it was something I could control; and Medicine had disastrous side-effects. I’ve done my share of worrying and questioned: How will anyone ever take me seriously when speaking in public? Will I ever get married? What if my tics get worse? If they do, will I still have friends? Can I be successful in academia (statistics say otherwise)? I’ve never been too fond of determinism, nonetheless. Many years have passed since I was first diagnosed, and many of those years have been spent acting as if my condition only existed in an alternate universe. I dealt with tourettes by internalizing the reality of my situation. My parents were of little help and often dealt with it much worse than me. For them, it was as if I was never diagnosed. Once I gave up on medicine, it seemed as if they were on a crusade to blame the condition on my own failings. “Stop doing that; You can control it,” they would say. While I’ll never be able to pinpoint the moment I decided to embrace tourettes, I do know I refused to let what so many others believed about me to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.Success in school never suffered. The few times it has, I am certain it was due to misguided decisions made consciously by yours truly. Both relationships and friendships manifested themselves naturally and by the time I was eighteen years old, I was confident in myself and ability to make tourette’s a personality trait, rather than a “neuropsychiatric disorder.” To do this day, I occasionally will in good fun blame an embarrassing action on tourette’s. I learned that I was in control of my own destiny and I could define my circumstances rather than letting them define me. Success in public speaking, crucial to my chosen career path, was false concern as well. My sophomore year of college I was director of the Belmont University Orientation Council, speaking day-in and day-out in front of thousands of new students and their parents. Strangely, during those times, I am so focused it seems for a brief moment as if it has been cured. When I began to think about a personal statement, I was fearful writing about tourette’s would seem like I was begging for attention or desired sympathy. It lead me to a much broader conclusion, however, and it’s that tourettes has been the most formative experience of my life. I can trace personal beliefs and characteristics back to my early experiences with tourettes. I am extremely open-minded because I know what it feels like to be different. I am hard-working and courageous because I know what it feels like to be dealt an unfortunate hand. I am determined and wary of critics because I know I would not be where I am today if I had listened to everything I’ve been told. I am committed to progress, change, and equality because I too suffer from something I cannot help. I believe in the rule of law because I trust it maintains the most hope we have in reaching a more perfect union, unprecedentedly embracing diversity.