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I guess my first question would be, what is it that you want the adcom to know about you? Your first draft doesn't really convey anything about you or why you're pursuing law school.

NanaP wrote:I guess my first question would be, what is it that you want the adcom to know about you? Your first draft doesn't really convey anything about you or why you're pursuing law school.

I figured...I was trying to tie it into the conclusion but couldn't find a smooth connection, but thanks for reading

Seems like youre trying a bit to hard to make it sound good (use of adjectives) early on and it kind of lulls the reader to sleep. I think you have a good story. Just try to get to the point sooner. How do those skills translate to this next endeavor. Good job so far.

Bane75 wrote:Seems like youre trying a bit to hard to make it sound good (use of adjectives) early on and it kind of lulls the reader to sleep. I think you have a good story. Just try to get to the point sooner. How do those skills translate to this next endeavor. Good job so far.

Awesome! Thanks for reading!