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I was brainstorming and I wrote a bunch of paragraphs
which one of these should I use as a PS?

what sets me apart
As a kid, my mother would take my hand and study the lines on my palms. She believed that the lines meant something. The longest line on my palm was something she called the ‘thinking line’. Because my line was extraordinarily long, my mother would tell me that I thought too much. I now believe that my mother was right, I also believe that thinking too much isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The philosopher Descartes put it best when he said, “I think, therefore I am”. Thinking assures me of my existence and independence. I’ve also realized that I do not think in the same way as everybody else. It may sound like Apple’s slogan, but I do indeed think different.

^^^with this above paragraph, I can lead this to show how I started my online business

why i want to be a lawyer
Justice is in my blood. My family in Pakistan consists of a long line of police officers. My uncles, my late grandfather, and his father all lived for the law. My parents and I were given the opportunity to come to America when I was less than a year old. Similar to many American immigrants from Pakistan, for the longest time, my parents wanted me to become a doctor. My parents dream became my dream until I figured that it wasn’t what I truly wanted. The ‘dream’ was simply something that was drilled in my head by my parents wish for their child to hold a prestigious career. What I truly want is to live for the law. I want to do what my family has always done, to uphold justice. Winning the support of my mother and father in my career path was no easy task.


about my internship
I woke up, washed and showered, put on my suit and tie, and had a bagel. I drove myself over to the office where a receptionist greeted me. She walked me into a large conference room. I was seated on a comfortable computer chair and I was staring at three empty chairs that were on the other side of the conference table. Getting this internship was something I needed to do. I needed to see what the practice was like before I was going to make this decision. Two large men and a small female walked into the room, greeted me, and took their seats. I thought this was going to be an interview, but it …

1.) I thought you had a great opening line. Something that most people are aware of but not necessarily familiar with, a little bit of intrigue. I like this overall idea of how you started your business most. You can show hard work, initiative, etc., without "telling." On that bit, the whole "I think differently" is a little iffy. A: You're telling. If you want to show that you're clever, etc., I'd suggest finding a different transition into talking about your business. Any real "telling" should come, if at all, in the last two sentences when you're summing up. B: As a reader, I don't buy it. And I'm not an adcomm who has read thousands of these. Yes, you're unique. But you're competing with a pool of thousands of applicants, all of whom are unique.

2.) Put down the stick and walk away from the horse. You do have some elements that might be good, here. Coming to a new country (though you were young, I'd imagine it's still a big transition for your family), or trying to escape the plan your parents had. But "My family members were lawyers" isn't really the most convincing of why you want to be a lawyer. If you can't put a finger on even some vague, broad notion of that, you might leave your reader wondering "Well (s)he wants to do it because of family, but does (s)he even have a real notion of why they themselves might like it?" Which then leaves a concern of what happens when you find out that you really don't like it.

3.) But what?? I found that you left the most interesting part towards last. I'm not really sure where you're going with it, but I'd say move that more upfront. Other than that, I can't say much, cause I have no idea where it leads. For some reason, though, I did like the bagel part. Don't know why.

This is all my $0.02, though.

^^^ oh my gosh thats sooo helpful. THANK YOU!