Idea spit draft, looking for general content critiques
Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 6:37 am
Thanks
You sound like you've worked hard to get where you are, which I can appreciate. That being said, this PS doesn't serve you well. First off, starting with a famous quote rarely works, and in this case it doesn't structure your statement like you would hope. I rolled my eyes from the very beginning.
Second, I felt like this was not the introspection you so greatly desire. This was surface level "look how much I've succeeded and what I've had to overcome." It's not so humble humblebrag. Give yourself a chance to focus on more than just what it took for you to get where you are. Try to figure out what drove you and what still drives you and will continue to drive you. Then, once you figure that out, find one specific anecdote in your past that either shows this, or even better, brought about that drive.
This PS was too broad, too self-inflating considering what you were going for, and too surface level. You have to really dig deep in order to find that level of introspection you desire.
Keep digging and I'm willing to bet you can create a worthy PS.
GL!