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less quotes, more about you. Drop phrases like "importance of being proactive." They make your PS read like a college application.

Good essay. Re: final paragraph. I'm pretty sure they know the major attractions their school has to offer and that you took the time to read their web site doesn't really tell why you personally want to go there. If you don't have a good reason it's probably better to minimize that part. I dunno though. I'd be interested to know what other people think about closing paragraphs that mention the school in this way.

erik the viking wrote:Good essay. Re: final paragraph. I'm pretty sure they know the major attractions their school has to offer and that you took the time to read their web site doesn't really tell why you personally want to go there. If you don't have a good reason it's probably better to minimize that part. I dunno though. I'd be interested to know what other people think about closing paragraphs that mention the school in this way.

Thanks, yeah I'm on the fence about it. I don't really think it could hurt, it's more a question of whether or not there is any value added.

Any other thoughts?