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A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.
Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2013 10:14 pm
by Anonymous User
Posted a form of this a few days ago so it might sound familiar... made some significant changes thought. Looking for any feedback/criticism. Am I on the right track?? Thanks all.
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Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.
Posted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 1:23 am
by jselson
What are your numbers?
This is the sort of essay that will neither help nor hurt you. Where your numbers predict you'll get in, you'll get in. It's utterly predictable, but competently written and shows you're a good dude. But it just lacks a unique personality. It's the lack of strong verbs and unique phrasing, I think. It basically reads like every TFA essay.
Only thing that really stood out as wrong was "touching the taking pictures." Huh?
Also, whenever I see the word "rigorous" in a PS, I react negatively to it. I figure most adcomms do the same, especially when combined with superficial school namedropping (although the "location" reason is a legitimately good one).
Not meaning to be harsh - again, it's perfectly acceptable, and the story/goals make sense. But it isn't memorable.
Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.
Posted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 1:55 am
by tirakon
Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.
Posted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:54 am
by jump_man
Re: A Draft..Thoughts? Thanks in Advance.
Posted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 3:22 pm
by Anonymous User
OP here. Thanks for the tips all. I will see what I can do to make it more memorable.
In response to the numbers question, I'm at 3.2/175, so I imagine my PS will come into play more frequently than most.