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Thanks for your comments much appreciated

Just from reading the first sentence its pretty clear you need to tone down the vocab a bit.

I also dont get a great sense of who you are from this. I see that you're passionate about history and law but thats about it. I don't see what qualities you have that would make you a great lawyer or law student.

You say you want to be like these men and women and promote justice but it would be a lot more effective if you show what youve already done in regards to this.

Remove the entire first paragraph. Absolutely unnecessary and the fact that you raped the thesaurus is incredibly apparent, and doesn't really reflect well on you as a writer.