Thanks for the comments Forum

[akg144]

Thanks for your comments much appreciated

[politics89]

Just from reading the first sentence its pretty clear you need to tone down the vocab a bit.

I also dont get a great sense of who you are from this. I see that you're passionate about history and law but thats about it. I don't see what qualities you have that would make you a great lawyer or law student.

You say you want to be like these men and women and promote justice but it would be a lot more effective if you show what youve already done in regards to this.

[stuckinthemiddle]

Remove the entire first paragraph. Absolutely unnecessary and the fact that you raped the thesaurus is incredibly apparent, and doesn't really reflect well on you as a writer.