Are these terrible sentences? Forum

[Tigress]

"I am particularly interested in Duke’s Center on Law, Race and Politics and its forthcoming international human rights law clinic as I am deeply passionate about human rights law."

I know this sentence is not good, how can I make it better?

[DocHawkeye]

There is probably enough for a couple of paragraphs here:

I am deeply passionate about human rights law. [Give examples of your passion - writings, paid or volunteer work, courses, and etc.]

Because of my [interest/passion/work experience] in human rights, Duke’s Center on Law, Race and Politics and its forthcoming international human rights law clinic have made your school one of my top choices. [Expand on what you hope to gain/feel you can offer to the program].

[Tekrul]

Agreed with above poster. Smashing these ideas too closely together / listing them without getting into them makes them sound insincere. State these claims but then back them up as separate paragraphs.