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Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:28 pm
by Anonymous User
"When I am a X graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:34 pm
by quakeroats
Anonymous User wrote:"When I am a X graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."
No. This is beyond correction. Recast it.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:54 pm
by Hutz_and_Goodman
Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:54 pm
by ms9
I think another question is, "why would you say that in a Personal Statement"? Obviously none of us has the entire context of your text but this does not seem to be going in the right direction. Overcoming challenges or stereotypes = great. Sounding bitter = not great at all.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:59 pm
by Merylian
It kind of makes you sound like you're saying you will always be correct, and that everyone will KNOW you are always correct, just because you went to [school X]. I'm going to assume that is not the vibe you are trying to convey, because if you were, that would be terrible.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:02 pm
by presh
Sidenote: I don't know if you actually expect that from having a law degree or if it's just something to put in your PS, but as a female lawyer, that is DEFINITELY NOT true at all.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:04 pm
by ManOfTheMinute
Hutz_and_Goodman wrote:Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:14 pm
by ManoftheHour
ManOfTheMinute wrote:Hutz_and_Goodman wrote:Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:06 pm
by suralin
ManoftheHour wrote:ManOfTheMinute wrote:Hutz_and_Goodman wrote:Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.
Post removed.
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:07 pm
by PourMeTea
Post removed.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:36 pm
by Bronte
It is grammatically correct, but it is beyond repair. Its syntax is awkward in more ways than one, the sentiment it expresses is absolutely inappropriate in almost any context, and it is almost certainly not true.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:39 pm
by rinkrat19
Bronte wrote:It is grammatically correct, but it is beyond repair. Its syntax is awkward in more ways than one, the sentiment it expresses is absolutely inappropriate in almost any context, and it is almost certainly not true.
+1
And may god have mercy on your soul.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 12:28 am
by holdencaulfield
Suralin wrote:ManoftheHour wrote:ManOfTheMinute wrote:Hutz_and_Goodman wrote:Based on this sentence I don't think you should go to law school.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 12:34 am
by laxbrah420
Anonymous User wrote:"When I am a X graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."
I'd change it to, "Graduating from the prestigious law school X will signal to my peers and adversaries that I am not just a Plain Jane lawyeress. While plain Jane Lawyeresses are often censured and presumed ignorant, listing school X atop my resume communicates to all, that despite my gender, I am to be taken seriously."
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 3:30 pm
by suralin
PourMeTea wrote:Tigress flame?
My thought as well.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 5:13 pm
by wlee1220
Suralin wrote:PourMeTea wrote:Tigress flame?
My thought as well.
This.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 5:38 pm
by jkay
Semicolons go inside the quotation marks.
Other than that, genius. Nothing could go wrong.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 5:42 pm
by Bronte
jkay wrote:Semicolons go inside the quotation marks.
That's not correct. Periods and commas do but not colons and semicolons. See
http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/qu ... ommas.aspx. There is one small formatting error in OP's sentence in that there is an extraneous space before the first quotation mark.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 7:47 pm
by ManoftheHour
PourMeTea wrote:Tigress flame?
Tigress wrote:"When I am a Cornell graduate, I will not be just any other woman who somebody could shut up because “ she does not know what she is talking about”; my qualifications will then speak for themselves to refute whatever opposition I will encounter."
She still has yet to tell us why Cornell.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 7:51 pm
by Dr. Dre
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:02 am
by Anonymous User
Alright, I understand how the original sentence might have come across and here's how I revised it:
"Hence, my choice of Cornell Law School goes beyond mere fascination with its name and prestige; it is a well-thought-out decision. Going to Cornell will signal to my peers that, despite my gender, I am to be taken seriously. I will not be a mere “woman” who somebody could shut up because “she does not know what she is talking about.” This will help me tremendously in my pursuit and future goals."
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:04 am
by Dr. Dre
i dont like when you say "shut up"
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:25 am
by Bronte
Anonymous User wrote:Alright, I understand how the original sentence might have come across and here's how I revised it:
"Hence, my choice of Cornell Law School goes beyond mere fascination with its name and prestige; it is a well-thought-out decision. Going to Cornell will signal to my peers that, despite my gender, I am to be taken seriously. I will not be a mere “woman” who somebody could shut up because “she does not know what she is talking about.” This will help me tremendously in my pursuit and future goals."
Your writing has mysteriously improved, yet your ability to recognize that the
content of this sentence is inappropriate has not. I'm thinking flame. If not, you really should not be writing about how Cornell is going to impress people and stop people from shutting you up because you're a woman. It sounds like a mixture of prestige whoring, bitterness, and paranoia.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:29 am
by CO2016YEAH
Dr. Dre wrote:i dont like when you say "shut up"
Funny, that was my favorite part.
How can I politely say that op made me lol?
Seriously, though, the only way op will be taken seriously is if this sentence is altogether omitted.
Edit: To be fair, the revision isn't horrible, but it is awkward how you switch from the first to the third person. Also, I said I like the "shut up" part because it is amusing. I would opt to use more professional language, though.
Re: Is This Sentence Proper?
Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:34 am
by WhiteyCakes
PourMeTea wrote:Tigress flame?
