Someone want to critique my PS? Updated. Much Obliged
Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 11:24 pm
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It's a good start.
Your first para doesn't seem to conclude well. It leads into a second paragraph that is backwards chronologically and we don't get a resolution.
Try and make it a bit shorter on the more mundane stuff. I think we understand that if you work in a motel you're familiar with cleaning. That keeps the punchier stuff to the fore.
Don't use I've in a PS. This is formal writing.