Someone want to critique my PS? Updated. Much Obliged Forum
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shep33
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 6:53 pm
Someone want to critique my PS? Updated. Much Obliged
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Last edited by shep33 on Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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albanach
- Posts: 1986
- Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2008 10:05 pm
Re: Someone want to critique my PS? Updated. Much Obliged
It's a good start.
Your first para doesn't seem to conclude well. It leads into a second paragraph that is backwards chronologically and we don't get a resolution.
Try and make it a bit shorter on the more mundane stuff. I think we understand that if you work in a motel you're familiar with cleaning. That keeps the punchier stuff to the fore.
Don't use I've in a PS. This is formal writing.
Your first para doesn't seem to conclude well. It leads into a second paragraph that is backwards chronologically and we don't get a resolution.
Try and make it a bit shorter on the more mundane stuff. I think we understand that if you work in a motel you're familiar with cleaning. That keeps the punchier stuff to the fore.
Don't use I've in a PS. This is formal writing.
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shep33
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 6:53 pm
