My PS So Far
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 2:04 pm
1/18/13
“Your dad is a drug addict!” Those were the first words my mom screamed at me when I got home from school. It was apparent they had been arguing for hours evidenced by the tear streaked cushion my mother was clutching. As I stood there listening to them scream obscenities at each other it dawned on me that I could change what was happening. I did not have to be pawn in their fight, forced to take one parents’ side over the other. This was just one fight out of many in an otherwise happy marriage. Helping them was an option; I just needed to be proactive. Between the pauses in screaming I convinced them to let me help them. They had their doubts; any parent would at the idea of a 15 year old trying to tell them what to do. I made it clear that I was not going to tell them what to do but merely try to guide them in the right direction to the best of my ability. The plan was to figure out what started the argument, what continued it, and finally how to resolve it.
It is hard to admit you suffer from depression but even harder to tell your children. It was something my dad had battled his whole life and something I had never noticed. For certain people prescription medication is ineffective so they turn to other solutions. Living with it was something he had tried and could not bear hence the use of drugs. My mom could not comprehend the severity of his depression and as result could not sympathize. The drugs he claimed made him feel better while allowing him to tolerate day to day activities. It was medicinal to him rather than recreational. This reasoning was still not suitable to my mom. Aside from the use of the drugs themselves, their questionable legality was an additional point of contempt. From her point of view the reasoning was sound given an incident which had happened 2-3 months prior. I had walked into our living room one evening to find my dad mostly unresponsive to verbal stimuli and lacked coordination. A trip to the hospital ensued and an allergy to flu medicine was offered by mom as the explanation. I only realized during this argument that what I had witnessed was an overdose to something obtained illegally.
I began to think of a solution, a way in which my dad could manage his depression without upsetting my mom. In order to reach a compromise I had to assess what each parent was willing to commit to. My dad was not going to stop using the drugs but he was open to the option of trying others obtained through legal means. My mom was opposed to him using drugs at all; however she agreed on the terms that he visit a psychiatrist. Something he was vehemently opposed to. I reasoned with him citing all the things he stood to lose should this not prove to be a suitable fix. Reluctantly he agreed. After about 1-2 months and trial and error my dad had finally been prescribed something worked. While it did not mitigate his depression to the same extent as the previous substances it enabled him to keep a family he loved.
What I gained from this experience and the many fights that would follow was the knowledge that a 3rd party can be effective in resolving disputes. In a way this was my first introduction to mediation, just one facet of the legal system. There are many avenues to take once admitted to law school but I believe that Alternative Dispute Resolution suits me, specifically arbitration and mediation. The ability to remain impartial and weigh every side to an argument is what allows fair decisions to be made. Law school will provide me with the foundation to refine these skills.
“Your dad is a drug addict!” Those were the first words my mom screamed at me when I got home from school. It was apparent they had been arguing for hours evidenced by the tear streaked cushion my mother was clutching. As I stood there listening to them scream obscenities at each other it dawned on me that I could change what was happening. I did not have to be pawn in their fight, forced to take one parents’ side over the other. This was just one fight out of many in an otherwise happy marriage. Helping them was an option; I just needed to be proactive. Between the pauses in screaming I convinced them to let me help them. They had their doubts; any parent would at the idea of a 15 year old trying to tell them what to do. I made it clear that I was not going to tell them what to do but merely try to guide them in the right direction to the best of my ability. The plan was to figure out what started the argument, what continued it, and finally how to resolve it.
It is hard to admit you suffer from depression but even harder to tell your children. It was something my dad had battled his whole life and something I had never noticed. For certain people prescription medication is ineffective so they turn to other solutions. Living with it was something he had tried and could not bear hence the use of drugs. My mom could not comprehend the severity of his depression and as result could not sympathize. The drugs he claimed made him feel better while allowing him to tolerate day to day activities. It was medicinal to him rather than recreational. This reasoning was still not suitable to my mom. Aside from the use of the drugs themselves, their questionable legality was an additional point of contempt. From her point of view the reasoning was sound given an incident which had happened 2-3 months prior. I had walked into our living room one evening to find my dad mostly unresponsive to verbal stimuli and lacked coordination. A trip to the hospital ensued and an allergy to flu medicine was offered by mom as the explanation. I only realized during this argument that what I had witnessed was an overdose to something obtained illegally.
I began to think of a solution, a way in which my dad could manage his depression without upsetting my mom. In order to reach a compromise I had to assess what each parent was willing to commit to. My dad was not going to stop using the drugs but he was open to the option of trying others obtained through legal means. My mom was opposed to him using drugs at all; however she agreed on the terms that he visit a psychiatrist. Something he was vehemently opposed to. I reasoned with him citing all the things he stood to lose should this not prove to be a suitable fix. Reluctantly he agreed. After about 1-2 months and trial and error my dad had finally been prescribed something worked. While it did not mitigate his depression to the same extent as the previous substances it enabled him to keep a family he loved.
What I gained from this experience and the many fights that would follow was the knowledge that a 3rd party can be effective in resolving disputes. In a way this was my first introduction to mediation, just one facet of the legal system. There are many avenues to take once admitted to law school but I believe that Alternative Dispute Resolution suits me, specifically arbitration and mediation. The ability to remain impartial and weigh every side to an argument is what allows fair decisions to be made. Law school will provide me with the foundation to refine these skills.