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Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 4:05 am
by TripTrip
.
Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:00 pm
by LexLeon
Hah, I like that.
But I'm not quite sure it's prime material for a 250.
Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:01 pm
by bluepenguin
What's the prompt for Yale?
Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:04 pm
by TripTrip
bluepenguin wrote:What's the prompt for Yale?
Write an essay about anything and keep it under 250 words.
Asha wrote:an essay on any subject of your choice, which the Admissions Committee uses "to evaluate an applicant's writing, reasoning, and editing skills."
LexLeon wrote:But I'm not quite sure it's prime material for a 250.
Fair. But if I were to use it, do you see any grammatical errors?
Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:23 pm
by dingbat
Tae Kwon Do is spelled incorrectly
Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:29 pm
by TripTrip
dingbat wrote:Tae Kwon Do is spelled incorrectly
Good catch.
Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:32 pm
by bluepenguin
Man, so many issues above my ELA skill level.
Commas are not my thing. I wonder if you have it right after 'parlor' and 'skyway' in P1, but it looks right to me.
I think you'd be better without the semicolon at the beginning of P2. I don't think it's technically wrong, just that it doesn't look right.
TripTrip wrote:Two of my coworkers were chasing a juvenile in a white sweatshirt clutching a red jacket in my direction.
Is that right? I skipped the class on ambiguity but couldn't that mean he's clutching the jacket in your direction?
TripTrip wrote: Since he was smaller than me
Shouldn't that be "Since he was smaller than I (am)"?
Congratulations, you've made me feel stupid lol.
Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:48 pm
by TripTrip
I'm glad I posted this here for grammatical errors; thanks bluepenguin!
You're right about the verb ambiguity, I reworded that. Also right about the me/I mixup; nice spot. I would never have noticed, but "since me was smaller than he" wouldn't make a lick of sense.
As for the semicolon, I left that in. Changing it to a period makes the "The call came over" feel out of place.
Re: Yale 250 critique (It's fun, I promise)
Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:54 pm
by bluepenguin
Oh yeah, I didn't notice that. I've never used that construction in my life so idk how that works.