Very rough draft-- critique please??
Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 1:05 pm
This is a very rough draft, written in 20 minutes, but I was hoping for some critique/direction? Thanks!
Fighting for the underdog—it sounds cliché, and worse, derogatory, but I can think of nothing else that I feel as passionate about. As paradoxical as it sounds, my mother is the strongest underdog I know, ironic because her favorite childhood cartoon was in fact Underdog, the unlikely superhero. My father is what may be called a functioning alcoholic, although I see nothing functional about my family situation. As an intuitive and frankly nosy child, I have always known that they had problems; I was one of the few children who actually wished her parents would get divorced. However, I was quick to realize that loveless marriage does not always lead to divorce, as factors such as lack of money and resources can keep a “family” together longer than it should be.
Growing up, I had friends whose parents were going through a divorce, and I could see how difficult it was for them. I always seemed to become the impromptu therapist because I was one of the few with parents still together, but little did my friends know that I was going through the same situation. Thinking back on the range of emotions I encountered with friends and within myself, I began to agree with Leo Tolstoy, who wrote, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” or at least with the second half of his quote. My definition of family began to change, growing to include the less than favorable aspects that I lived with every day.
I felt an immense sense of guilt when I moved an hour and a half away from home for college because I knew I was leaving my mother and brothers alone with my father. However, I could not let this stop me; in fact, it propelled me to succeed. I had always had good grades and an interest in law school, but once I got to college I threw myself into my studies. I came in as an English major, and did well enough my first semester to be invited to interview for the Honors Program. When I was granted acceptance, the reduced core curriculum allowed me to add another major, Philosophy. My philosophy classes allowed me to think deeper about my own ideas of family, justice, and responsibility, not only as they apply to me, but to others as well.
Along with maintaining my grades, I decided to devote my spare time to service. I traveled to New Orleans to interview Hurricane Katrina survivors, and again the word “family” rang in my ears constantly. Some had lost family members, others were involved in legal battles with siblings over property and insurance, some turned to lives of crime at a young age to support their families when they had lost everything. While each of these families had been torn apart in a separate way, they had one thing in common—they needed an advocate, someone with the resources they did not have, someone to stand up for them when they did not have the strength to.
This is the person I aspire to be—the unlikely superhero, the one who fights for the underdogs. Family Law has a reputation for being cold and heartless, but I know I can bring a passion and empathy to it that will be invaluable to those who needs someone who understands their position. My family situation may be unique in Tolstoy’s eyes, but we are not alone in needing help. While I trust my mother will find her strength long before I have the resources to be able to help her, there will be countless others, needing someone in their own ways, and when I complete my legal education, I will be that person they need.
Fighting for the underdog—it sounds cliché, and worse, derogatory, but I can think of nothing else that I feel as passionate about. As paradoxical as it sounds, my mother is the strongest underdog I know, ironic because her favorite childhood cartoon was in fact Underdog, the unlikely superhero. My father is what may be called a functioning alcoholic, although I see nothing functional about my family situation. As an intuitive and frankly nosy child, I have always known that they had problems; I was one of the few children who actually wished her parents would get divorced. However, I was quick to realize that loveless marriage does not always lead to divorce, as factors such as lack of money and resources can keep a “family” together longer than it should be.
Growing up, I had friends whose parents were going through a divorce, and I could see how difficult it was for them. I always seemed to become the impromptu therapist because I was one of the few with parents still together, but little did my friends know that I was going through the same situation. Thinking back on the range of emotions I encountered with friends and within myself, I began to agree with Leo Tolstoy, who wrote, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” or at least with the second half of his quote. My definition of family began to change, growing to include the less than favorable aspects that I lived with every day.
I felt an immense sense of guilt when I moved an hour and a half away from home for college because I knew I was leaving my mother and brothers alone with my father. However, I could not let this stop me; in fact, it propelled me to succeed. I had always had good grades and an interest in law school, but once I got to college I threw myself into my studies. I came in as an English major, and did well enough my first semester to be invited to interview for the Honors Program. When I was granted acceptance, the reduced core curriculum allowed me to add another major, Philosophy. My philosophy classes allowed me to think deeper about my own ideas of family, justice, and responsibility, not only as they apply to me, but to others as well.
Along with maintaining my grades, I decided to devote my spare time to service. I traveled to New Orleans to interview Hurricane Katrina survivors, and again the word “family” rang in my ears constantly. Some had lost family members, others were involved in legal battles with siblings over property and insurance, some turned to lives of crime at a young age to support their families when they had lost everything. While each of these families had been torn apart in a separate way, they had one thing in common—they needed an advocate, someone with the resources they did not have, someone to stand up for them when they did not have the strength to.
This is the person I aspire to be—the unlikely superhero, the one who fights for the underdogs. Family Law has a reputation for being cold and heartless, but I know I can bring a passion and empathy to it that will be invaluable to those who needs someone who understands their position. My family situation may be unique in Tolstoy’s eyes, but we are not alone in needing help. While I trust my mother will find her strength long before I have the resources to be able to help her, there will be countless others, needing someone in their own ways, and when I complete my legal education, I will be that person they need.
Just make sure everything you say is straight-forward and doesn't come off as "overly idealistic." You never know what kind of person will be reading your statement.
Good job for that! Just make sure everything you say is straight-forward and doesn't come off as "overly idealistic." You never know what kind of person will be reading your statement.