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Hi guys, let me know what you think of this. I have two versions and maybe you can tell me which is better.

Version 1:

In the summer of 2010, I had been involved in a physical fight with my younger brother. At the time of the incident, I was 19 and he was 16. After the fight, my younger brother called the police and I was arrested and charged with simple assault under New Jersey state laws. My brother was taken to the hospital and was found by the doctors to have no significant injuries. The prosecutor presiding over the case decided that given that I had no previous criminal record combined with the fact that my brother did not want to press charges, he would dismiss the case if I were free of any criminal charges within the next six months. Six months had passed without incident and as a result my charge was dismissed. I then went to expunge my records which I successfully did.
I could not look back at this incident with more disgust and regret than I do now. All throughout our lives, my brother and I have always been very close. I am ashamed to say that given our strong relationship, I striked him in anger, something which I had never done before. I love my brother and I take full responsibility for what has happened as I believe that I should have had better control over myself. I can say that at the time, I was very immature but that I have learned from this experience many things. I understand that my actions have very real consequences and that what I do as an adult will be treated as so by the law. I can assure the council that no such event will ever happen in the future as I know very well the severe repercussions that will stem from such actions. I can only hope that the council will forgive me of my mistake and allow me the opportunity to attend their law school.

Version 2:
In the summer of 2010, I had been involved in a dispute with my younger brother, that unfortunately became physical. At the time of the incident, I was 19 and he was 16. My younger brother called the police and I was arrested. Because my brother did not realize that as a minor under the definitions of state law, he did not realize I would be arrested as a result of his phone call. Though he attempted to reverse the arrest, because he was a minor and I was considered an adult, the state prosecutor had to continue with the charges as my younger brother was technically a guardian of the state.

As a result however, because I had no previous criminal record, combined with the fact that my brother did not want to press charges as it was a family dispute, my charge was dismissed after the necessary paperwork. I then went to expunge my records before the Judge, and even without a hearing, the Judge expunged my record.

I love my brother and I take full responsibility for what has happened as a result of a family dispute. I have learned from this experience and I understand that my actions have very real consequences and that what I do as an adult will be treated as so by the law. I can assure the council that no such event will ever happen in the future as I know very well the severe repercussions that will stem from such actions. I can only hope that the council will forgive me of my mistake and allow me the opportunity to attend their law school.


Please let me know which is better, if they're both flawed and if so what I can do to change that! Thank you so much TLS!!!

bump

Anonymous User wrote: On [month day], 2010, I had a physical altercation with my younger brother. He called the police and I was arrested. Because I had no previous criminal record, and my brother did not want to press charges, the prosecutor agreed to dismiss the case if I remained free of any criminal charges for six months. After the six months passed without incident, I had the record expunged on [date]. I take full responsibility for what happened and no such event will ever happen in the future.

Like that. It's not a big deal that you have to over explain.

the first one is better, but I would definitly lose the word "simple"! It sounds like you think an assualt is no big deal, even though I know what your trying to say is that it was minor, and that your brother wasnt "beat up", you should take that out.

Steve2207 wrote:the first one is better, but I would definitly lose the word "simple"! It sounds like you think an assualt is no big deal, even though I know what your trying to say is that it was minor, and that your brother wasnt "beat up", you should take that out.

"Simple assault" is the name of the charge.

I apoligize, if thats the name of the actual crime then by all means include it.

Also instead of “I then went to expunge my records which I successfully did”. I would say, “This charge was later expunged after I complied with all recommendations of the prosecutor” or something similar. I agree with the other poster, you are over explaining this. The fact is, there is no good way to say you were arrested, best thing to do is own up to it, and be brief but clear. In addition, I would lose the sentences at the end talking about “the council”, it sounds funny to me, and it’s not LSAC that is reviewing this, it’s the admissions officers. Plus, apologizing implies guilt to me, which makes me wonder if it deserved to be expunged, and I imagine some of the admissions officers will feel the same way.

So I suppose an extra paragraph dedicating my regret and assurances that this would never happen again are unnecessary?