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This is way too long. Just summarize the offense. Mention what you did to make up for it, say nothing has happened since, done.

agreed ^. you need to address the offense first. i had no idea what i was reading for the first several sentences.

All you need is something like this:

During my freshman year, I was cited for having an empty bottle of liquor in my dorm room. The bottle was my roommates, and I was unaware of the policy against empty liquor bottles. I took an online educational course about the effects of alcohol to remedy the incident. I take full responsibilty for violating the policy.

Nova wrote:All you need is something like this:

During my freshman year, I was cited for having an empty bottle of liquor in my dorm room. The bottle was my roommates, and I was unaware of the policy against empty liquor bottles. I took an online educational course about the effects of alcohol to remedy the incident. I take full responsibilty for violating the policy.

Yep. It's not Part II of your personal statement. Short and sweet. State the instance in a matter of fact tone. Acknowledge it was an error in judgment. State your punishment and that (if) you completed it and made your restitution. Move on.

A lot of people have made mistakes. You need not be overly apologetic; you need to acknowledge (disclose) and make briefly clear that you learned and righted the wrong.

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