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I would forgoe the figurative start. I was told by an admissions persone that personal/diversity statements are the place for figurative/emotive language. In addemdums, They are looking for your ability to be concise, so state only the relevant facts to your "case." Brevity is the soul of wit.

Thanks--I feel like my boredom in school is what led me to lead a lazy life approach to school as a youngin'. Best way to say that? (Eating sand part is out, is what you are saying, yes?)

I agree that the tone of this is a little off. An addendum should be clear and simple, just stating the facts. The eating sand bit is too much for this, and similarly " decade later with a myriad of work experience under my belt, the concept of relentless work was deeply engrained." is too wordy. This should be written in a very different style that a PS. Rewrite this thinking how you might explain a gap in employment or any other hole in your application in a cover letter or in an interview: brief, clear, professional.

If you're looking for honesty...

I would recommend you scrap any discussion of your "boredom" with school. The explanation for your underperformance sounds pretentious. You need to be humble, and explain that (if this is the case) you were too immature to realize that what you do at university matters, that you don't know everything, or at least enough to be complacent with your education.

The discussion of your work ethic doesn't really make a lot of sense given the context. If instead of what you have here you explain that in udergrad you had to work a lot of demanding jobs, experienced a high-risk pregnancy, and did not fully appreciate the value of your education on top of it all, then you can mention your "relentless work" attitude.

If I were you, I would omit all mention of being considered a "gifted child" and being bored with school. That doesn't reflect well on your character, even if you've changed over the years. Just admit to immaturity (again, if that is the case...we don't know each other at all), and make a case for the more recent GPA as more reflective of who you are and what you are capable of.

danielr wrote:If you're looking for honesty...

I would recommend you scrap any discussion of your "boredom" with school. The explanation for your underperformance sounds pretentious. You need to be humble, and explain that (if this is the case) you were too immature to realize that what you do at university matters, that you don't know everything, or at least enough to be complacent with your education.

The discussion of your work ethic doesn't really make a lot of sense given the context. If instead of what you have here you explain that in udergrad you had to work a lot of demanding jobs, experienced a high-risk pregnancy, and did not fully appreciate the value of your education on top of it all, then you can mention your "relentless work" attitude.

If I were you, I would omit all mention of being considered a "gifted child" and being bored with school. That doesn't reflect well on your character, even if you've changed over the years. Just admit to immaturity (again, if that is the case...we don't know each other at all), and make a case for the more recent GPA as more reflective of who you are and what you are capable of.

I agree. You start to get to your point better towards the end. Someone told me, "Avoid any hints of making excuses." Simply cop to the fact that you were too immature to take school seriously, but your real world experience taught you how rewarding hard work could be, and, as danielr said, "your more recent gpa is more reflective..."

"I didn't give a crap" is not a good reason to write an addendum.

heyunthebushes wrote:

danielr wrote:If you're looking for honesty...

I would recommend you scrap any discussion of your "boredom" with school. The explanation for your underperformance sounds pretentious. You need to be humble, and explain that (if this is the case) you were too immature to realize that what you do at university matters, that you don't know everything, or at least enough to be complacent with your education.

The discussion of your work ethic doesn't really make a lot of sense given the context. If instead of what you have here you explain that in udergrad you had to work a lot of demanding jobs, experienced a high-risk pregnancy, and did not fully appreciate the value of your education on top of it all, then you can mention your "relentless work" attitude.

If I were you, I would omit all mention of being considered a "gifted child" and being bored with school. That doesn't reflect well on your character, even if you've changed over the years. Just admit to immaturity (again, if that is the case...we don't know each other at all), and make a case for the more recent GPA as more reflective of who you are and what you are capable of.

I agree. You start to get to your point better towards the end. Someone told me, "Avoid any hints of making excuses." Simply cop to the fact that you were too immature to take school seriously, but your real world experience taught you how rewarding hard work could be, and, as danielr said, "your more recent gpa is more reflective..."

Thanks--I actually referred to the beginning as "excuses," in a PM, so I'll rework it. I honestly figured 'immaturity' (while totally true) was a less compelling reason than all the other shit.
Thanks for all the good feedback everyone!

rad lulz wrote:"I didn't give a crap" is not a good reason to write an addendum.

Well, I was going to go with "I was a lazy fucktard," but spellcheck didn't recognize it.