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Feedback on a rough PS please. The more brutal the better!
Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:57 pm
by Anonymous User
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Re: Feedback on a rough PS please. The more brutal the better!
Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:53 am
by Younger Abstention
Please, please, please just come right out and say that it's your mom doing the work, in the first sentence: "My mother decided to change the legal environment..." More powerful, and less confusing/awkward. The rest isn't incredible, but it's probably sufficient.