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Anonymous User wrote:[I could feel my heart racing from excitement as I stepped onto the field ready to show off my new sneakers. During elementary school, PE class was almost like a ceremony, a friendly rivalry where the boys competed and fostered a fellowship amongst each other. I never had that opportunity. Before I had a chance to step onto the grass, I heard a familiar voice calling my name. “____, it’s time for speech.” The coach blew his whistle, and I walked through the pavement across the playground as the rest of my classmates stared in what seemed to be a stretch of eternity.

Growing up, I dealt with complications from ____, a health disorder that resulted in health complications and speech issues. Thishad caused me to be treated differently and I felt misplaced among my peers. Because of this, I’ve had a lingering sense of insecurity tense change. Missing PE, field trips, and big events had not been uncommon. The most recent event was a cross country road trip my friends and I had planned during my college years. When I found out my final surgery was scheduled during the same week, I feltedfelt the accustomed feeling of disappointment creep close to me.

Surgery was no stranger to me, but my final one had been different. It was reconstructive jaw surgery, and I was limited to a liquid-only diet for months. My feelings of vulnerability were compounded by the fact that I couldn’t eat or speak, struggled to breathbreathe, and was bedridden during the entire recovery. It was the toughest physical experience of my life. Starving was the easiest part. Breathing was difficult. Because my face was swollen and my jaw was wired shut, I had to do it rhythmically and slowly or risk suffocation. Panic attacks would come and twice I had emergency hospital visits to ensure I wouldn’t suffocate. Looking through a photo album my friend had given to me after their trip had only stirred up a familiar sensation of missing out.

Sulking and lying on my bed with a remote in my hand, I had welcomed television into my realm of friends. It was late night and infomercials were rampant, but one had caught my eye. It was broadcasted by an organization that assisted those in third world countries with similar condition. A wave of disappointment came over me; all my life I had detested my condition while others hadn’t even basic treatment. I felt ashamed in my disillusionment and for taking my support systems for granted. It gave me a desire to utilize my resources in the best way possible, and to take advantage of every opportunity given to me to grow as a person.

Recovery at that point had turned around. I pushed myself to walk further each day, to use my spare time on reading and learning new things. The day I was finally able to climb a flight of stairs unassisted remains ingrained in my memory, as it had given me a sense of elation. A simple task, yet I felt validation. Validated, yet not satisfied. I felt a need to push myself harder, to apply this principle into all aspects of my life.

uh, random transitionWhen I practice Brazilian Jujitsu, this mentality has proven to be the difference between tapping out and giving an extra push that astonishes my opponent. In academics, I developed a strong desire to learn beyond what is merely essential, and to utilize my resources to improve myself. Currently I am working for a company that manufactures medical diagnostic devices for multiple diseases. Our products are known for its quality since we operate under stringent FDA regulation. As a GMP lab, every signature and every step in the process must be accounted for. This environment has challenged me to be better at my craft, and to apply my enthusiasm for growth into an industrial setting. In addition, my work reminds me of my situation and I hope the products we make are able to benefit others with medical conditions.

I believe my experience will benefit me in the legal field. My desire to be the best I can be has translated into spending hours researching the legal field, devouring information on how I can be contribute and learn from the legal field once I start. I believe this will translate into impeccable work, whether it will be achieving highest grades possible, or working at a firm lol if you think these are mutually exclusive. In addition, my current work in a GMP lab challenges me to better myself by being very detail oriented and to think critically to prevent mistakes and ensure better results. These are qualities that I believe will relate well in the legal field.

My focus on my speech has illuminated how important my resources have been and how challenging myself has brought great gain. Self-acceptance and motivation replaced my immature reluctance for therapy. Even though I was deemed fit to discontinue speech therapy, I didn’t stop there. I took a public speaking class, continued self-therapy by reading up and practicing daily on my inflection, projection and other aspects. Before I left college, I took an acting class to prove my worth. In the end, amidst the clapping of a live audience, I felt I had climbed another flight of stairs.]

So much going on at the end. It's like you tried to cram 8,000 topics into two paragraphs. Stick with the speech topic and cut the unnecessary "I did XYZ then XYZ, THEN I DID ZZZ TOO!"