First PS draft. Far from perfect. Seeking a little guidance! Forum

[ohwhereohwhere]

I talked out a few topics with a friend, and I determined that this particular story - a brain surgery I had that lead me away from the USAF and into college was the best thing to write about. This is my first draft of it.

-As a note, the Congressman I talk about also went to Law School at one of the school's I'm applying to. For that particular school, should I change that as to not make it look like "Hey, this person went here. I worked for this person. So, you should let me go here, too." ? I don't want to look like I'm trying to suck up or something.

EDIT: Instead of slamming the entire thing here, would it be easier to just PM a link to people?

Please let me know if you're willing to take a look. I'll PM you.

[CorkBoard]

EDIT: Instead of slamming the entire thing here, would it be easier to just PM a link to people?

No.

[Br3v]

I talked out a few topics with a friend, and I determined that this particular story - a brain surgery I had that lead me away from the USAF and into college was the best thing to write about. This is my first draft of it.

-As a note, the Congressman I talk about also went to Law School at one of the school's I'm applying to. For that particular school, should I change that as to not make it look like "Hey, this person went here. I worked for this person. So, you should let me go here, too." ? I don't want to look like I'm trying to suck up or something.

EDIT: Instead of slamming the entire thing here, would it be easier to just PM a link to people?

Please let me know if you're willing to take a look. I'll PM you.

I dont think it would be to bad if you mentioned that about the congressmen in passing like "by luck would have it he also went to X" or something